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This is http://www.essayz.com/a8703051.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %EMOTION FULFILL PATERNAL ATTACH+870305 %IDEOLOGICAL VALUE CONTROL 870305 Parents often find their fulfillment through their efforts to control the ideas, ideals and values of their children; whether the children be natural born or adopted in any way/procedure. Parents become attached to their children; become emotionally dependent upon their children's adoption of the parents' ways of thinking, feeling, deciding, behaving, etc. Such parental dependence upon children generates high levels of conflict: The parents feel a need to achieve fulfillment through their children's conformity to parental ideas, ideals, values and affective behavior. Yet, the children need to achieve maturity through the fulfillment of their own unique identity and possibilities which are not those of their parents. This is not possible so long as the parents are attached to their children in a bond of emotional dependency, and so long as the children accept this bond. Dependent children may seek to escape their state of dependency by shifting from one form of dependency to another form of dependency, perhaps an addiction. They may not be mature enough to transcend addiction, and shift from parental addiction to other forms of addiction: alcohol, tobacco, drugs, spending money, work, sex, etc. Having learned dependency they cycle through various forms of dependency in various forms of attachment to whatever they are dependent upon. Mature interdependency entails people who are free to fulfill themselves in autonomous relationships, yet find greater fulfillment through interdependent cooperation mixed with autonomous activities appropriate to their individual unique identities. Mature interdependency does not entail control and manipulation through attachment and dependency upon attachment. In relationships of mature interdependence participants are free to be themselves, and free to be with each other without feeling any need to control or conform to controlling interests. Parents who are attached to their children as fixes need to detach from their children and to cease being dependent upon their children for their emotional fulfillment. Such detachment does not connote indifference, but a transformation from paternalistic relationships to mature inter-personal relationships of interdependence which are free of manipulation and rebellion. Detachment connotes the termination of manipulative attachment of parents to children regarded as means. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================