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                          %LOVE MUTUALITY AND POWER 841217

     It  is difficult for there to be genuine mutuality in
a love relationship if power is not shared mutually.    If
one has overall greater power than the other then the  one
with  the  lesser  power  is prone to  be  the  victim  of
coercion,   and  the one with the greater power  is  prone
towards paternalism.   Such tendencies persist even in the
face  of utter sincerity and the best of intentions.    To
pretend otherwise will only accentuate the tendencies.  To
acknowledge  the  tendencies is an essential step  towards
taking the steps necessary to maintain mutuality in a love
relationship  in the face of situations which give greater
amounts  of some kinds of power to one as compared to  the
other.

     Power  can  not be given to people who are afraid  to
exercise it,  it will not "take".   People who do not want
power can not freely accept it when it is offered.

     People who want power when it is not offered to  them
can create certain kinds of power through initiatives  and
assertion.   Not all kinds of power can be created by such
assertion  and  initiatives.    Some kinds  of  power  are
created only by giving and accepting.   The power of  love
can not be created by the taking of love.  The power to be
creative  can not be brought into being by taking it  from
others;   although  it  can  be  nurtured  by  giving  and
acceptance  of  gifts.   The power of  forgiveness  is  to
acknowledge  a  wrong;  an essential step in creating  the
power  of forgiveness.   To refuse to acknowledge a  wrong
and  to  refuse to ask for forgiveness is  to  claim  that
there  has been no wrong;  and so to continue a  conflict.
Participants  then  need  to become aware of  the  ideals,
value,  principles,  etc.  which each participant seeks to
affirm.    Only then can there be mutual understanding  of
what each other stands for.

     Creating,   giving and accepting power are  essential
aspects of love which seeks justice with power.  Mutuality
is not possible when power seeks justice without love.

                         (c) 1997 by Paul A. Smith in
                      "Search for Integrity and Honesty"
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)

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