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%WAY PATH DIRECT ATTENTION EFFORT FOCI FOCUS LOVERS 040914 %TRUE TRUTH AUTHENTIC ABSOLUTE PURE RIGHTEOUS GOODS 040914 %DOMINATION SYSTEM CONTROLLERS INFORMAL ASPECTS GOD 040914 %BEING TOGETHER CHARGE CONTROL FRIENDS SUPERIOR SEX 040914 %INTIMATE AUTHENTIC FRIENDS PROPER CONFORM MORALITY 040914 %ETHICAL JUSTICE WAR DISTRIBUTIVE RETRIBUTIVE LAWS 040914 To understand the important differences between True- Lovers and Domineerin-Controllers we need to focus upon the Beginning-Points of the INFORMAL-ASPECTS of their lives; i.e., upon what do they focus their: desires, friendships, hopes, aspirations, expectations, intimacies, private-times, etc. Note that none of the just named ASPECTS are FORMAL in nature, and that FORMAL efforts are usually impotent in trying to CONTROL the just named INFORMAL-ASPECTS of people's lives. Note below the kinds of foci upon which True-Lovers and Dominators focus attention: TRUE-LOVERS-FOCUS-UPON DOMINATORS-FOCUS-UPON BEING-TOGETHER BEING-IN-CHARGE/CONTROL BEING-FRIENDS BEING-RIGHTEOUS BEING-INTIMATE BEING-SUPERIOR IN SOME WAY BEING-AUTHENTIC BEING-PROPERLY-CONFORMED BEING-CREATIVE BEING-LIKE-IDEAL-FORMS BEING-COOPERATIVE BEING-LOYAL-FOLLOWER BEING-INTEGRATORS BEING-EXCLUSIVE BEING-COMPLEMENTARY BEING-OBEDIENT BEING-HONEST BEING-RIGHT BEING-IN-LOVE BEING-IN-POWER BEING-RECONCILED BEING-THE-WINNER BEING-INCLUSIVE BEING-DOMINANT BEING-WELL-INTEGRATED BEING-PURE Note that our formal laws, codes, ethics and morality do NOT focus upon items in the list on the left. Note that our formal laws, codes, ethics and morality DO-FOCUS upon issues related to the items in the list on the right; in some way or another. The DOMINANT-FOCUS is one of preoccupation, rather than one of creative- affirmations and/or facilitations. The contrast between True-Lovers and Domineering-People is as much in LIFESTYLE as in regards to where attention is directed; i.e., as in the nature of the FOCI upon which attention is directed. The WAYS in which honest True-Lovers direct their attention to the FOCI on the left --- are WAYS which cannot make sense in directing attention to the FOCI of Domineering-People on the right. The WAYS in which Domineering-People direct their attention to the FOCI on the right --- are WAYS which cannot make sense in directing attention to the FOCI of True-Lovers on the left. There are contrasts BETWEEN the WAYS attention is directed --- which are just as important as the contrasts between the FOCI upon which attention is directed. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - The above considerations point to an extremely important difference between: A. The kinds of unilaterally-defined "IDEAL-FORMS" of isolated and controlable/ownable posessions, OBJECTS and "OBJECTIVE": "ideals", "values", "virtues", "goals", "successes", "standards" and "conformities" which "make- sense" to Domineering-People on-the-one-hand --- and on- the-other-hand: B. The kinds of gracious-communal IDEAL-FORMS of REFLEXIVE-RELATIONSHIPS which make-sense and are meaningful to cooperative True-Lovers together within healthy and humane communities --- that demonstrate reverence toward HUMANE-INCARNATIONS of REFLEXIVE- RELATIONAL-VIRTUES such as: cooperation, colaboration, balance, generosity, mutuality, grace, respect, patience, tolerance, listening, honesty, authenticity, creativity, dialogue, integrations, integrities, coherence, agape, love, hospitality, complementation, civility, etc. --- WHICH CANNOT BE CONTROLLED, OWNED, POSSESSED, OBJECTIFIED, OR UNILATERALLY DEFINED-OR-CREATED. (NOTE: The kinds of kind "RELATIONSHIPS" which are here discussed cannot be defined and/or created by purly formal processes; e.g., through a marriage or business contract, promises-made, or an initial set of "decisions" made. The kinds of kind "RELATIONSHIPS" here discussed evolve through regular dynamic interactions among the participants within the relationships; with people who are regularly acting in ways which are: honest, mutual, cooperative, civil, gracious, generous, etc.) Domineering-people unilaterally demonstrate their IN- coherent: intentions, desires, goals, hopes, ideals, values, attitudes and expectations; which they regard as CONSISTENT with realities listed under paragraph "A" above --- and which are IN-CONSISTENT with realities listed under paragraph "B" above. True-Lovers cooperatively demonstrate their TRULY- coherent: intentions, desires, goals, hopes, ideals, values, attitudes and expectations --- which are CONSISTENT with realities listed under "A" above --- and which are IN-CONSISTENT with realities listed under "B" above. Because of their unilateral conflicting Beginning- Points --- domineering-people work in ways which promote and facilitate: alienations, estrangements, misunder- standings, prejudices, excommunications, evil-relation- ships and disintegrations of persons and communities in CONTENTIOUS ways. Because of their cooperative and coherent Beginning- Points --- True-Lovers work cooperatively to promote and faciliate: reconciliations, friendships, mutual- respect, confirmations, true-dialogues, grace-ful- relationships and integrations of persons and communities in COMPLEMENTARY ways. Because of their contrasting Beginning-Points --- Domineering-People and True-Lovers END their lives at contrasting Ending-Points. The contrasts have to do with both the WAYS they-focus-attention, and the natures of the FOCI upon-which they-focus-attention. Domineering-People do not understand their OWN relationships nor those of True-Lovers. True-Lovers understand both their OWN relationships and the Tragic-Relationships within which Domineering-People entrap-themselves and others. For integrity to endure --- some Beginning-Points must change in future generations. Neither Domineering-People nor True-Lovers have it in their power to unilaterally-determine the Beginning-Points of others. HOWEVER, True-Lovers have more power to graciously influence the Beginning-Points of future- generations than do Domineering-People --- because Domineering-People lack Grace and Love --- which they cannot unilaterally-get-or-control. Domineering-People cannot get-or-control any realities which transcend them and which they deny can exist apart from them and their controls. - - - - - Both Domineering-People and True-Lovers may change during their lives --- into "the other" kind of people. In the above, "Beginning-Points" are not exclusively about "when-in-time". "Beginning-Points" have to do with different people's most-fundamental and ultimate: assumptions, attitudes, language-elements, categories, preoccupations, values, ideals, interests, desires, reasoning-styles, premises, theses, etc. --- which MAY act-to-exclude other COMPLEMENTARY Begining-Points. IDOLATRY involves the THOUGHTLESS-EXCLUSION of COMPLEMENTARY Beginning-Points. IDOLATRY involves the exclusion of: thought, reasoning, thoughtfullness, dialogue, gracious-systems-analysis, gracious-systems- analysists, gracious-descriptions-of-experiences, descriptions-of-perceptions, gracious-authoritative- experiences, gracious-sharing-of-insights, etc. Domineering people promote and facilitate idolatries because of their exclusive Beginning-Points which stand in the way of gracious integrations and integrities. Domineering-People may change their Beginning-Points and become True-Lovers who welcome, facilitate and encourage Gracious-Changes in Beginning-Points. True-Lovers may change and become Domineering-People who do NOT welcome INTEGRATIVE-CHANGE and who oppose gracious-changes in the Beginning-Points of Domineering- People like themselves as they are --- because they have become entrapped as Domineering-People working within "The Domination System". Note that the above is neither a proposal of nor a discussion of the content of existing or possible formal or informal: codes, laws, prescriptions, proscriptions, commandments, prohibitions, rituals, mandates, taboos, etc. Such realities are often the tools-of-the-trade of domineering people; or can be converted into their tools- of-their-trade. Instead, the above offers thoughts about graciously transcending-and-subverting ALIENATIVE: domination, controls and manipulations of persons, personal-relationships and whole communities --- in the hope of moderating such alienative behaviors through gracious demonstrations of many reconciling virtues in many contexts and situations. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================