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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %ADOLESCENT HOPEFUL PARTICIPANTS INTIMATE LOVERS+021209 %RELATIONSHIPS ENDURING HEALTHY AWARE KNOWLEDGE SEX+021209 %SELF OTHER MUTUAL INTERDEPENDENCY MEANINGFUL DEVIL+021209 %AUTHENTIC MYTHIC ACCEPTANCE ESTEEM HONOR SUPPORT+021209 %BALANCE MUTUALITY RELIGIOUS EDUCATION ABUSER CRIME+021209 %SUPPORTERS DOMINATION SYSTEM VULNERABLE SECURITY 021209 For would-be-participants in intimate relationships to form enduring, healthy and intimate relationships they must become-aware-of and share-in-mutually-balanced-ways their dependency upon each other for meaningful-integrative-healthy-honest-authentic: 1. Self, mutual, communal and mythic --- acceptance, esteem, honor, support and trust. 2. Balance and mutuality in honestly-sharing: listening & dialogue, humility & patience, sensitivity & sympathy, insight & understanding, gentleness & kindness, generosity & acceptance, gifting & thanks-giving, needs & appreciation, vulnerability & security, tensions & sanctuaries, togetherness & privacy, talents & powers, health & wealth, sickness & healing, hopes & despairs, regrets & forgiveness, strengths & weaknesses, mistakes & learning, ignorance & knowledge, assumptions & conclusions, beginnings & endings, committments & works, integrity & imagination, creativity & reliability, initiatives & cooperation, independence & team-work, pasts & futures, dis-ease & at-ease, experiences & insights, attitudes & thoughts, positions & perspectives, joys & sorrows, pleasures & pains, skills & sweet-fruits, risks & bitter-fruits, fears & confidences, beliefs & doubts, aspirations & anxieties, questions & affirmations, dichotomies & rainbows, pieces & integrities, relationships & individuality, independence & interdependence, compliments & criticisms, hypotheses & convictions, proofs & exceptions, expectations & disappointments, descriptions & theories, evidence & reasons, logic & emotions, feelings & intuitions, revelations & intentions, notions & articulations, visions & technologies, dreams & insights. In the absence of the above --- there will often be: estrangement, alienation, abuse, arrogance, self- righteousness, coercion, violence, domination and disintegration. Various kinds of concentrated powers will be abused at the cost of victims who do not enjoy such powers. Dependence will be encouraged so potential victims will be more vulnerable. To minimize the frequency of such tragic results --- those who are most vulnerable to the above absences should to be educated so that they understand the nature of the risks that are involved in seeking to become participants in intimate relationships before they are mature and ready enough to be prudent in taking the risks which come with becoming intimate with people who are not yet well known. It is not obvious to young people how to be wise and prudent in getting to know potential friends with whom they might develop meaningful-integrative-healthy-honest- authentic relationships --- without suffering unanticipated tragic consequences from taking uninformed and unprotected risks. The above considerations are especially relevant when new relationships begin to involve intimations of and the real possibility of --- sexual desires, their expressions and sexual intimacies playing significant roles in the evolution of intimate relationships. It is not as simple as "just saying no" to unknown possibilities. Uninformed will-power and rationality are not enough. Young people need to be informed about the nature of possible: intimate-relationships, risks and benefits under diverse circumstances. In the absence of information based upon relevant human experiences --- it is difficult for young people to wisely and prudently balance the probable risks and costs as they try to negotiate their way into overall healthy-and-integrative intimate-and-sexual relationships during their adult lives. It is important to recognize that powerful supporters of "The Domination System" will naturally try to keep young people ignorant of the possible risks and benefits of forming intimate friendships and sexual relationships --- because such relationships pose great threats to the appearances of "integrity" on the part of "The Domination System". Young people who are ignorant of the possible risks and benefits are expecially vulnerable to the use and abuse patterns of domineering supporters of "The Domination System". Criminals do not like their potential victims to know how to protect themselves. The above considerations should make clear that there are tragic consequences which flow from religious leaders' failures to build healthy sex education programs into the programs of their religious communities' lives. Highly publicized scandals relating to sexual abuse by religious leaders are just the tip of an iceberg --- compared to the hidden parts of the iceberg which represents the failure of religious leaders to promote honest research and educational programs which are designed to minimize the tragic costs of ignorance on the part of young people in regards to the issues addressed above. The common goal should be the long term development of healthy intimate and sexual relationships. Research and educational programs should be designed in ways which are informed by honestly reported human experience related to the full range of successes and failures in these domains of human life. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================