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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9607171.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %COERCION FORCED INTIMACY FORMALITY RELATIONSHIP 960717 Human relationships exist at various levels of formality and/or intimacy. Distinctions may not be only along a linear scale, yet here let us consider primarily the scale from formal to intimate relationships. Formal relationships are guided by formulas. Various behaviors, reactions and responses are according to formulas which define the formal relationships. The participants in formal relationships may, or may not be consciously aware of the formulas which define their relationships. Highly intimate relationships which are informal are guided by the desires and creativity of the participants; within some commonly understood framework and context which sets boundaries within which behaviors, reactions and responses will be regarded as worthy of respect. People differ in regards to what kinds of relationships are comfortable to them. Being forced to participate in relationships which make us be uncomfortable is coercive. If people impose upon us formal rules which we must conform to be to acceptable, those formal rules are often used as manipulative tools to put us at a disadvantage compared to those who impose the formal rules upon us. Such coercion is violent and violates our integrity, and the integrity of our community. Being forced to participate in relationships which are more "intimate" than we welcome---is also coercive in violent ways which violate our integrity and the integrity of our community. Being forced to be more "intimate" than we want to be---generates dishonest relationships which are disintegrative. People are forced to appear to be other than they really are. People are not free to be true to themselves and each other. The resultant "intimacy" is false intimacy, not true intimacy. Such coercion leads people to live lies which they do not want to live. Intimacy is developed by reciprocal invitations to deeper levels of intimacy; not by imposed formulas, formalities, conformity, traditions, etc. Such invitations to deeper levels of intimacy are not true invitations if they do not involved balanced levels of vulnerability. If the person "offering" the "invitation" is seeking to make the person to whom the "invitation" is "offered" more vulnerable than they are willing to be themselves---they are being dishonest, coercive and violent. Their behavior is bound to yield bitter fruits of personal and communal disintegration. In a similar way integrative formalities entail invitations which are open, honest, and equal levels of vulnerability. Integrative formalities are not imposed upon the weak by the strong. Integrative relationships are not generated by imposition, coercion or violence of any kind. They are generated by invitations which entail equal levels of power and vulnerability---and the freedom to be secure in both intimate and formal relationships. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================