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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9601091.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %FULFILLING MEANINGFUL INTIMATE SEXUAL RELATIONS 960109 It is not simple to fulfill the conditions which must be met for an intimate relationship to be significant, meaningful, satisfying, enduring and respected. There are many ways in which the development of such a relationship can "go wrong": 1. One participant may try "take over" and "control" the "relationship" and its process of development. When that happens the "relationship" is very "trying". 2. One participant may "surrender" and want the other to "take over" and "direct" the "relationship" and the process of its development. When that happens the "relationship" goes sour. 3. The participants may be constantly at odds with each other "trying" to be "in charge" without any agreement about what each participant's role should be in the relationship. They are "together" in constant conflict and fearful that the conflict will end---and then they will have nothing to focus their relationship. 4. The participants may be bored "together" for lack of any sense of anything better to be or to do. When that happens life is dull, tedious, wearisome and devoid of meaning and satisfaction---for lack of perceived alternatives from which to choose. 5. The participants may be "driven" together in ways which they do not understand, choose, like, or respect; compulsively acting out a "script" in a tragic drama of actions which seem to be determined mysteriously by "outside" factors. When that happens the relationship tends to be frantic in meaningless and non-satisfying ways which echo their past family histories in unknown ways. 6. The participants may be acting out a "script" clearly determined by family, friends, religion, training, professionals, laws, etc. When that happens the "meaning" of the relationship may be determined by the conflict between the "insiders" and the "outsiders"; but there may be little honesty or true satisfaction in that "meaning". 7. The participants may regard their relationship as "predestined" and play no active role in giving direction to the process of the development of their relationship; for from their point of view there are no meaningful "decisions" to be made on their part. When that happens there is little excitement---for there are no alternatives to consider and the development is "cut and dried". (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================