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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9510301.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %EVALUATION DYSFUNCTIONAL IDEALS VALUES GOALS FAIL 951030 When many people persistently fail to live up to their ideals and values---they often blame themselves and each other for failing to try hard enough, for failing to be firmly enough dedicated to their ideals and values. In light of the persistent failures by many people it may be wise to examine the pattern of ideals, values and goals--- and to consider the possibility that the pattern of ideals, values and goals may themselves be disintegrative in nature; rather than integrative in nature. Traditional ideals and values pertaining to intimate relationships and marriage are far more often affirmed verbally than by example. People are persistently failing to live up to traditional ideals and values regarding traditional exclusive intimate relationships and exclusive marriages---and persistently blaming themselves and each other for failing to try hard enough, for failing to be firmly enough dedicated to exclusive intimacy and marriage. Perhaps it would be wise to examine the traditional pattern of ideals, values and goals pertaining to exclusive intimacy and marriages---to consider the possibility that the traditional pattern of ideals, values and goals pertaining to exclusive intimacy and marriage may be disintegrative in nature; rather than integrative in nature. It is not only individual ideals, values and goals which need to be considered---it is the pattern which they together form which needs to be considered. It is not only the image which is created by the pattern of ideals, values and goals which needs to be considered---it is how the image and the pattern leads and/or misleads people who seek to fulfill the image. It is not only the pattern/image which needs to be considered---it is how the pattern/image leads people to pass alienative judgements and to condemn themselves and each other---which needs to be considered. When many of us persistently fail to live up to our ideals and values---we often blame ourselves and each other for failing to try hard enough, for failing to be firmly enough dedicated to their ideals and values. In light of our persistent failures it may be wise for us to examine our pattern of ideals, values and goals---and to consider the possibility that our pattern of ideals, values and goals may be disintegrative in nature; rather than integrative in nature. Our dilemma may be that we are trying to fulfill addictive/codependent ideals and values according to the rules of collusive games of mutual self deception. Perhaps our exclusive ideals and values pertaining to intimacy and marriage are unwise and mislead us. We may need to consider that possibility---rather than to pass alienative judgements and condemn ourselves and each other for our failures to live up to disintegrative exclusive ideals and values. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================