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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %FIXATE ISSUE ADDICTIVE CONTROL FEARFUL TOOLS MEANS+950422 %LAWS RULES COMMAND REGULATE PROHIBIT PRESCRIBE SIN+950422 %LIBERATE LOVE TECHNOLOGY PROBLEM DILEMMA REFLEXIVE+950422 %DEMONSTRATE ATTITUDES ASSUMPTIONS UNDERSTANDINGS 950422 People who are fixated upon issues of control tend to fixate upon laws, rules, commandments, regulations, prohibitions, prescriptions, taboos, etc. as tools of control. They fixate upon means of control, being in control; and who is in control. They fear not being in control, and resent others' being in control---but fear more that nobody is in control. They are dominated by fear---not liberated by love. They fear that love will cast out the fear which gives meaning to their empty lives which love has not touched. Fearful people cling to systematic procedures and technologies as means by which to generate security; even as their lives and communities are being disintegrated by inappropriate procedures and technologies. They cannot see the difference between technical problems which loving people can solve by appropriate uses of systematic procedures and objective technologies---on the one hand; and reflexive dilemmas which need to be dealt with by love in nonsystematic ways which are essentially reflexive. Fearful people futilely search for security in objective procedures which they hope will guarantee success, satisfaction and meaning. Fearful people do not understand that their preoccupation with being in control cannot guarantee success. They do not understand that instead it undermines the possibility of lovers exchanging free gifts of the freedom to be safely vulnerable within their communities of meaningful intimate dialogue. They cannot appreciate how wonderful such open and honest dialogue is, for they fear the revelation of their preoccupation with dishonesty, deception and misleading behaviors as tools of control. Fearful people do not understand that it is possible to personally demonstrate helpful attitudes, assumptions, perceptions, understandings and insights which cannot be tools of control---and thereby help all people to enjoy all that the fearful people seek to achieve through their preoccupation with being in control. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================