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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %RISK FREE DEFEND SECURITY COST SELF OTHER TRUST+940513 %PRESENT LOVE GIFT POSSIBILITY CONCEIVE REALIZE 940513 Often people adopt a paradigm characterized by attitudes according to which their own security can be achieved only by defensive moves which cost other people their security. Such defensive people seek security conceived to be free of risks. They are not free to trust anybody fully. They are not free to give anybody the freedom to be safely vulnerable in open and honest dialogue---for their defenses require them to participate in collusive games of mutual self deception according to which the essence of security is to be free of risks, invulnerable. The manipulation of truths is just one of many forms of manipulation which are essential to their game-plan for achieving security. Defensive people cannot conceive the possibility that true security is enjoyed by freely giving and accepting gifts of the freedom to be safely vulnerable in relationships of mutual trust and balanced considerations. Since they cannot conceive that unthinkable possibility, they cannot work towards accepting and realizing that terrifying possibility. To them true security appears to be the antithesis of what they believe security to be. They think security is something which can be taken away from others; leaving the others insecure while making self secure. In truth, security is something which can be enjoyed only by giving it to others, by taking prudent risks in trusting others to respond in love when gifts of love are given to them---so that they feel themselves present in love, because they are in the presence of people who are with them in love. People who are constantly defensive undermine trust, respect and security, and lead themselves and others into patterns of behavior which undermine personal and communal integrity. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================