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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9404271.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %ACHIEVE ACCEPTABILITY CONFORM EXPECTATION 940427 It is futile to attempt to achieve personal acceptability in the eyes of any person or group. It is futile for the following reasons: 1. Personal acceptability is a reflexive reality, not an objective reality. Reflexive realities are particularly sensitive to initial and changing conditions. Thus reflexive processes are chaotic in the sense of modern chaos theory---small differences in initial and intermediate conditions can make great differences in consequences and outcomes. Thus participants in reflexive realities cannot control consequences and outcomes---so personal acceptability cannot be achieved by how one controls one's own attitudes, beliefs, thoughts, emotions, decisions and actions. 2. The conformal people whom one must impress favorably to achieve personal acceptability in their eyes ---are most likely people who are playing collusive games of mutual self deception in the manner of addicts and their codependent supporters. This is the case because healthy people of integrity do not make acceptance of people into communities of dialogue conditional upon any kind of conformity. Only collusive addicts and their codependent supporters are preoccupied with issues of conformity and control with regards to people. mediate conditions because each person's behaviors are reactively connected with fearful energy to each person's impressions/interpretations of each other person's appearances and behaviors. Each conformal person is up-tight with fearful energy and reacts compulsively to each threatening sign of possible rejection. Chaos is always just around the corner. Thus there can be no confidence that any specified course of action will lead to any predicted or anticipated reflexive consequence or outcome. Conformal people's behaviors are bound to be chaotic, confused and unpredictable in the sense of modern chaos theory. 4. It is futile to try to achieve acceptance into a community of people who place conditions upon acceptance into honest dialogue---for such people are playing collusive games of mutual self deception. They fear any open and honest dialogue which would expose their dishonest games for what they are. Conformal people will always be changing their conditions for acceptability; demanding new kinds of perfection, and finding fault with previous achievements---to avoid exposure of their dishonest games. 5. People who put conditions upon acceptance of candidates into their communities; pretend that their conditions are objective in nature---when in practice the conditions are highly reflexive conditions which are constantly changing in reaction to the responses of candidates for acceptance. Conformal people form an unpredictably reactive community, not an honestly responsive community of responsible people. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================