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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9312172.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %PRIORITY FIRST PREPARE CONTEXT HONESTY INTIMACY+931217 %TRUE SECURITY VULNERABILITY CLEAR ARTICULATE SEX 931217 Honesty and intimacy are not either safe nor prudent within some threatening contexts. First we must work to create contexts within which honesty and intimacy are safe and prudent. Creating contexts within which honesty and intimacy are safe and prudent is priority work, work to be done first, before taking risks in being totally open, honest and intimate. Participants in collusive games of self deception such as addicts and codependents are threatened by openness, honesty and intimacy in which people are open and honest with each other. It is neither prudent nor safe to be totally open and honest within intimate relationships in the presence of colluders who will be made violently defensive by such behavior. Foundations must be laid down which will constrain colluders by their own rules to refrain from coercive violence in response to transitional forms of openness, honesty and intimacy. Colluders by their own rules cannot openly and honestly challenge integrative behaviors in ways which will expose their own dishonesty and disintegrative behaviors. Colluders almost always operate tacitly and implicitly; according to silent rules. The challenge is to move the boundaries which exist between behaviors which colluders will tolerate in the direction of openness, honesty, and integrative intimacy; and away from deception, secretiveness, dishonesty---and away from misleading attitudes, assumptions, beliefs, convictions, perceptions and convictions. We can be most effective when we move boundaries in ways which do not immediately threaten colluders, but which work to lay the foundations for building contexts within which honesty and integrative intimacy are not only possible but are accepted and respected. This entails generating consensus as to what kinds of responses to openness, honesty and integrative intimacy are out of bounds, not worthy of respect, and are signs of disintegrative dysfunctional personalities. We need to articulate clear guidelines on recognizing dysfunctional personalities who are operating out of a dysfunctional family and cultural background. Clear articulations of such guidelines can help us to create integrative contexts within which we can safely be open and honest in integrative intimate relationships. Then we can truly enjoy real security. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================