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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9304292.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %REFLEXIVE RELATION PERCEPTION UNIQUE NEED 930429 Jack has certain unilateral expectations of Jill in light of his desires, wants, and perceived needs. Jack is unable to get to know Jill as she really is as a unique person, because Jack is dominated by his own unilateral expectations, desires, wants and perceived needs. He does not see Jill as Jill is. He sees Jill as he desires her to be, expects her to be, needs her to be Jill is who she is within reflexive relationships. Jill is not a detached objective entity who is who she is apart from reflexive relationships. Who Jill is depends upon the reflexive relationships within which Jill is. The same is true of Jack. Neither Jack nor Jill can come to know the other or them self apart from their reflexive relationships. If their relationships are coercive, they get to know each other in response to their coercive relationships. If Jack has certain unilateral expectations of Jill, then Jill in her relationship with Jack will be the victim of Jack's coercive unilateral expectations. Jack will not be able to perceive Jill as she really is in response to Jack's coercive unilateral expectations, because Jack will be dominated by his unilateral expectations. Jack's dominant expectations and anticipations will filter the data which is available to Jack, and he will perceive Jill more in terms of his desires, needs, expectations, and anticipations; than in terms of who Jill is as a participant in their reflexive relationship. Jill may bring to the relationship her own set of unilateral expectations, needs, desires, anticipations, etc. Jill may not be able to perceive Jack as Jack is in a unilateral way. Jill may see Jack as quite different than he really is in their reflexive relationship. Jack and Jill may relate to each other without really meeting and getting to know each other. They may relate primarily to their images of each other, false images which are dominated by their own expectations, anticipations, needs, desires, wants, etc. From time to time they may be surprised to find out that the other person is not responding in keeping with expectations, and so get angry and abusive in disappointment that the other person has not fulfilled expectations. Jack and Jill need to seek to give to each other the gift of security as the freedom to be safely vulnerable; so that they may honestly meet in an I-Thou relationship and so get to know each other apart from manipulative expectations, anticipations, needs, desires, and wants. If they do not do so, they will be unable to resolve the conflicts between/among their ideals, values, and themselves. Their lives will be full of use, abuse, manipulations, coercions, preoccupations with control, and violence of various kinds. If Jack and Jill successfully seek to give to and accept from each other the gift of security as the freedom to be safely vulnerable; then they may grow within a changing reflexive relationship of healthy openness, honesty, intimacy and meaning; developing personal and communal integrity as they do so. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================