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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9304171.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %INTIMATE AFFECTION BOUNDARY SEX RELATE RISK TRUST 930417 In the absence of knowledge and understanding of the differences between objective relationships and reflexive relationships (see previous essay) it is difficult for people to draw meaningful boundaries between integrative intimacy and affection which are not clearly sexual, and integrative intimacy and affection which are clearly sexual. In the absence of such knowledge, understanding and ability---there is a tendency to treat all forms of intimacy and affection as being equivalent; e.g., taboo and forbidden in a community which has many hang-ups about human sexuality. True knowledge and understanding of the differences between objective relationships and reflexive relationships is most often transmitted implicitly by wise role models. Wise role models also demonstrate the ability to draw meaningful and helpful boundaries between integrative intimacy and affection which are not clearly sexual, and integrative intimacy and affection which are clearly sexual. This ability is not likely to be based purely upon cognitive, intellectual, rational and logical considerations; although such considerations may play a role in providing a secure context for the development of the ability by creative people. Healthy intimacy and affection are unlikely to exist within contexts where people are unable to draw meaningful boundaries between levels of sexuality which are/are-not integrative within the various contexts. Healthy intimacy and affection are not likely to exist within context where people are dichotomous in their perceptions, thought patterns and attitudes---with preoccupations about: right/wrong, good/evil, yes/no, permitted/forbidden, etc. A compulsive preoccupation with drawing sharp boundaries which are defined in terms of objective considerations is not likely to promote healthy intimacy and affection. A refusal to deal openly and honestly with sexual feelings, desires, fantasies and inhibitions is not likely to promote healthy intimacy and affection. Healthy intimacy and affection are not likely to be promoted by dichotomous people who are preoccupied with drawing sharp boundaries between levels of sexuality which are/are-not to be permitted within various contexts. People who live in communities within which members give and accept the gift of true security are able, when they chose to do so, to agree upon signals which they may give each other and respect whenever they feel that their expressions of affection and intimacy are moving too far toward, or too far away from, the level of sexuality which they regard as most likely to be integrative for them in their circumstances. The are able to develop varied honest life styles in which people enjoy a wide range of changing kinds of intimacy, affection and sexuality. People who do not live in communities within which members give and accept the gift of true security are rarely able, even if they try to do so, to agree upon signals which they may give each other and respect whenever they feel that their expressions of affection and intimacy are moving too far toward, or too far away from, the kind of sexuality which they regard as most likely to be integrative for them in their circumstances. In such communities rape and sexless marriages are often the consequence. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================