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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9303071.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %ACHIEVE PERFECT FLAW MISTAKE ERROR SIN SUCCEED 930307 If we base our pride, self esteem, confidence and acceptance upon our achievements, being in control, successes, and conformity to rules of propriety---then we are bound to be insecure and defensive in the face of the inevitable risks of achieving too little, not being fully in control, failing to succeed, or not conforming to people's expectations. If we are ultimately in competition for a limited supply of recognition, attention, praise, acceptance, and love---then we will be insecure and defensive in the face of the fact that losers will not get the coveted recognition, attention, raise, acceptance or love. We need to beware lest we fall into the trap of seeking our salvation through means, techniques, fixes, technologies, systems, rules, and procedures which form a threatening framework for our loss of pride, self esteem, confidence, acceptance, recognition, attention, praise, and love. If our very being worthy persons is so conditioned, then we have no ground of being who we are with any true sense of security, pride, self esteem, confidence or acceptance. Our very being will be threatened to the core, and we will be terrified at the core. Then we cannot be ourselves with either personal or communal integrity; and we will engage in all kinds of dishonesty, collusions, addictions and codependent support schemes in desperate attempt to achieve and hold onto what we dimly sense that we lack. Even when we get it we cannot relax for fear we will lose it. It will not be truly ours. We can be truly secure only when we are really safe in freely sharing who we are, what our experiences, perceptions and feelings are, what we believe, and what we desire, hope for, and fear. Such security is not earned, achieved, or obtained through our own efforts. Rather it is the gift of others who wish to share what they have come to enjoy with us; the freedom to be vulnerable in open and honest intimacy. Such freedom to be vulnerable cannot be real if it is given conditionally. In the absence of such gifts of the freedom to be vulnerable people become defensive, manipulative, coercive and violent. They are insecure and act in ways which lead other people to become insecure. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================