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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9303061.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %RELATION DESCRIBE CHARACTER UNDERSTAND TERM CHANGE+930306 %SECURITY VULNERABILITY TELL OWN STORY ACCEPT SELF 930306 Each human relationship may be described, characterized, and understood in terms which pertain to the characteristics of: 1. Histories of participants and defined outsiders. 2. Articulated and unarticulated agreements/conflicts. 3. Foci of special attention and regular avoidance. 4. Origins of threat, fear, support, & security. 5. Vocabulary and language of dominant communications. 6. Levels of honesty, objectivity and reflexivity. 7. Levels of planning, activity and passivity. 8. Levels of openness/secretiveness & honesty/collusions. 9. Kind/extent of interactions with the wider community. 10. Kinds and extent of mutual mis/understanding. To the extent that participants in a relationship are unaware of the importance of the above characteristics of their relationship; to such an extent they are likely to experience relational difficulties which will pose dilemmas to them, and perhaps lead to tragic efforts which the participants will be unable to comprehend or learn from. It is important to learn to recognize patterns of characteristics which are integrative and healthy, in contrast to patterns of characteristics which are disintegrative and unhealthy. Such contrasting patterns need to be recognized, described, talked about, and dealt with both openly and honestly in order not to be victimized by them. Healthy communities provide their members various support groups within which participants are in fact secure and also feel themselves to be secure---in open and honest dialogue about their own experiences, perceptions, emotions, beliefs, interests, needs, desires, hopes and aspirations. Personal and communal integrity and health are impossible in the absence of such secure contexts provided by healthy support groups wherein people may safely be vulnerable in honest dialogue. Such support groups may be formal or informal; but in any case they play essential roles in healthy communities. Addicts, codependents and other people trapped in the dysfunctional patterns of perception, attitudes, beliefs, ideals and values which are dominated by collusions will find it difficult to conceive of the possibility that there might exist safe places where they could be in fact secure and also feel themselves to be secure---in open and honest dialogue about their own experiences, perceptions, emotions, beliefs, interests, needs, desires, hopes and aspirations. To conceive of such a possibility is too threatening to their collusions. Even more difficult to conceive is how essential are such safe places are in the healing process of recovery from their own dysfunctionality---even after the healing process is well begun and intellectually understood. Purely informational, intellectual, scholarly, cognitive and scientific considerations do not provide an adequate context for healing from the above dysfunctional patterns. No number of inspired lectures, books, readings and informational sources will promote real healing in the absence of individual sharing by each recovering dysfunctional person---within support groups wherein they are in fact secure and also feel themselves to be secure---in open and honest dialogue about their own experiences, perceptions, emotions, beliefs, interests, needs, desires, hopes and aspirations. No other person can do for them the telling of their story; a telling which is essential for recovery, and which must be told in a safe place where both it and the teller are accepted as they are, and given the gifts of true security. Recovery of health requires not only the offering of and the reception of information, advice, admonitions, guidance, leadership, etc from others. Recovery of health requires that there be significant opportunities to open up and express one's own experiences, perceptions, emotions, beliefs, interests, needs, desires, hopes and aspirations; and that such expressions and the persons expressing them be accepted sympathetically without threat of condemnation,rejection or excommunication. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================