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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9212191.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %DEFENSIVE PEOPLE EXPECT FIX CONFORMITY FEAR LOVE 921219 Defensive people often expect us to conform in keeping with their expectations; thinking that if only we were to conform appropriately to their expectations, they would then enjoy security and would no longer need to be defensive. Defensive people often feel and think as if it is our failures to conform properly to their expectations which generate their fears, apprehensions, anxieties, and insecurity; and so justify their being defensive. Yet, their fears, apprehensions, anxieties and insecurity flow from assumptions, presuppositions, attitudes, beliefs and convictions which they have more power to control than do we. We need to do all that we can do with integrity to avoid feeding their fears, apprehensions, anxieties and feelings of insecurity; but so also do they. If we conform in keeping with their expectations and demands---they may with insight realize that we are likely to resent their manipulations and control over us; and fear that out of resentment, anger and frustration we will at sometime rebel and attack them. Thus through conformity we cannot still their fears. They must be ever ready for us to rebel and attack. They must always be on the defensive in keeping with their deeply rooted fears, insecurity and anxiety. Our conformity will not still their deeply rooted fears. If we are to be secure we will do well to give each other the gift of security through which to calm deeply rooted fears, insecurity and anxiety. We will do well to seek to avoid manipulating each other through expectations, demands and requirements of conformity; which are likely to breed resentment, anger and rebellious attacks. We cannot be secure so long as those whom we most fear are insecure and defensive. We cannot be secure so long as we are engaged in manipulating each other through expectations, demands and requirements of conformity. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================