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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9103221.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %BEING THERE WHEN NEEDED PRESENCE HONEST RESPOND 910322 It is often said that someone was there in time of persona need; and that other people were not there in time of personal need. In such statements "there" is clearly not a physical place. People who are not there in time of personal need often do not know what is meant by "there", because they are rarely personally present in any meaningful way, even when they are physically in a given physical place. To be there in time of personal need does have to do with presence, but not exclusively with physical presence. Some people can be there in time of personal need through the aid of the telephone. Other people can make endless phone calls and not be there in time of personal need. There are people who have been so present much of the time that they are there in time of personal needs without physical presence, and without actual phone calls; for the spirit of their presence is pervasive. Such presence is not a matter of quantity. To be there in time of personal need has to do with being honestly responsive as a person with integrity, who demonstrates courage and compassion in the face of adversity. Such demonstrations do not have to do with technical knowledge, skills, or sophistication. Some people care too much to be there in times of personal need. They are always trying to take care of people, by trying to take charge in one way or another; and so are never there in a meaningful way when they as persons are most needed. There is little honest meaning in their care, and so they are very trying people to have around in times of personal need; always trying, but rarely being themselves with personal integrity. People who are there in times of personal need know how to be themselves with personal integrity, because that is what they are doing all the time, not just in times of others' personal need. They care with integrity rather than with techniques. People who are there when they are needed know how to be authentically present in the eternal now of I-Thou relationships, because they have often been so present in the daily meetings of routine activities. They are not compulsively preoccupied with techniques, or with fixing things. They live focused lives in which they honestly focus on truly being themselves with personal and communal integrity, and do not make a big deal of their efforts. People who are there when they are needed are not competent technocrats. Competent technocrats are rarely there when there are personal needs which can be met only in authentic meetings in the presence of the eternal now of I-Thou relationships. The essential presence is of spiritual reality, not the result of efforts or a technology. It is not possible to be there with great effort in time of personal need. Too much effort makes one be absent when one is needed. It is enough to be there for people in their times of personal need; trying too hard and making to much of an effort suggest that you are being there for your own sake, rather than for another person. The meaning of a person's presence is sensed in the why of their presence, as much as in what they do while they are present. People who are present for their own reasons cannot be present for other people in their times of personal need; for they are always seeking to find, define and refine techniques which they think will enable them to fulfill their own un-met needs. Few or no people have been present to them in their times of personal need; thus they do not know what is involved in such presence. Being there in the time of a person's need involves knowledge gained through other people being there in one's own times of personal need. Such knowledge can be lost in the stress of being too much with people who are compulsively preoccupied with fixes, fixing, controlling and manipulations. Being there in the time of a person's need is in part intuitive knowledge which children can share with more mature people, if the children have not been forced to forget through times of stress which force them into manipulative coping strategies in order to survive. Such intuitive knowledge is encouraged or discouraged; it is not taught as a technology is taught. The manner of associates' presence encourages or discourages such knowledge. In manipulative presences such knowledge is repressed, suppressed and forgotten; in keeping with the collusive games of mutual self deception of addictive and codependent manipulators. Being there in the time of a person's personal need is not a matter of solving personal problems, it is about being there for them, and with them; meeting personal dilemmas with honesty, dignity and integrity. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================