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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %PRETEND BEING OTHER TRULY SELF ACCEPT LOVE INHIBIT 910223 When we feel that we must pretend to be other than we truly are in our inner being, we cannot be open and honest in true love. Pretending gets in the way of living and loving, whether in giving or in receiving. Pretending to like or dislike according to some conventional prescription for conformity is dishonest, and leads to personal and communal disintegrations. True living is not dominated by efforts to achieve conformity, for such efforts are dishonest to the extent that effort must be exerted to succeed in them. When no effort is made to conform, yet behavior matches expectation, then there is no coercion and no dishonesty. Such true behavior cannot helpfully be required, for requirements elicit dishonest conformity which is disintegrative. True behavior may be elicited by liberating invitations which encourage people to be their true unique self in open and honest relationships. True behavior cannot be promoted by requirements which call for conformity to some standards for proper emotions, thoughts, expressions and/or behaviors. Coercion does not promote integrity at either the personal or communal level. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================