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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %SECURITY CONTROL SELF OTHER DEFENSE LIMIT LOVE 901216 If we regard our security is rooted in our ability to be fully in control of our lives, we are doomed to frustration for the following reasons: (1) We are social creatures and our lives are part of a fabric which involves other people's lives; thus, we cannot be fully in control of our own lives unless we are also fully in control of the lives of those people whose lives significantly affect us. (2) Other people, like us, are part of a fabric which involves our lives; thus, they cannot be fully in control of their lives unless they are fully in control of our lives to the extent that we significantly affect them. (3)Neither we nor they want to be fully controlled. (4) Neither we nor they can be fully in control of others who significantly affect our lives. (5) Only objects without wills can be controlled; an we gain little satisfaction out of controlling objects which are without wills. (6) People with healthy wills cannot be controlled; and we gain satisfaction out of appearing to control others only because it makes a difference to us that they have wills which objects do not have. (7) Our integrity, the integrity of others, and the integrity of our communities depend upon none of us being fully in control; for our security is profoundly threatened by anybody seeking to be fully in control. (8) Our security does not depend upon us being fully in control, but rather upon our being and feeling free to be detached from concern about being in control; because we are not being threatened by anybody seeking to be fully in control. Similarly for other people's security. (9) People who are in Love do not seek to be in control, for they are together in Love and walk in the ways of Love which do not entail being in control; but rather are ways which entail being in each other's true presence without threats of control or conditional acceptance. (10) Trying to be in control of people entails the threat of and the reality of: coercion, manipulation, violence, failure, frustration, anger, resentment, revenge, alienation, estrangement, distrust, misunderstanding, and disintegration. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================