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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9011201.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %CREATIVE NEW RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS PARADIGM SHIFT 901120 When they become aware of creative new personal relationships people ask questions, implicitly or overtly. The kind of questions which people ask depends greatly upon the paradigm within which questioners live---and upon the questioner's grounds for self perception, self understanding and self esteem; and also upon the grounds for reconciliation, redemption and salvation. Questioners may ask regarding a creative new personal relationship whether or not it: 1. Conforms to expectations of various forms/sources? 2. Respects conventional persons and authorities? 3. Obeys informal taboos, rules and regulations? 4. Questions highly respected traditions? 5. Supports unquestioned beliefs and assumptions? 6. Is under proper control and regulation? 7. Obeys required rules of discipline and thought? 8. Respects disturbing new combinations of ideas? 9. Communicates only in approved languages? 10. Threatens the power of the authorities? Such questions are expressive of defensive insecurity and do not lead to integrative understanding or behaviors. The questions are tragically misleading. They divert attention from more helpful questions which might be asked by healthy people who are secure in their intimately honest vulnerability. Is the new relationship characterized by: 1. Honesty? 2. Equally shared power? 3. Spontaneous responsiveness? 4. Balance? 5. Healthy change and growth? 6. Win/Win conflict resolution? 7. Emotional authenticity? 8. Personal and relational integrity? 9. Respect for others' desires and integrity? 10. Respect for communal concerns and integrity? People who regularly ask the first kind of questions tend not to ask or respect the second kind of questions; for they are trapped in a paradigm which narrows their vision to the first kind of questions. The honest answers to the second kind of questions seem irrelevant to them, for their perceptions of the implications of their answers to the first kind of questions seem clear to them in black and white terms; and so are beyond question and beyond reconsideration. The first kind of questions imprison those who are preoccupied with them. The second kind of questions liberate those who ask them earnestly. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================