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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9007161.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %CHILD ADULT PARENT WITHIN PERSON PERMISSION SELF 900716 Within each person of any physical age we may discern aspects of the person which we may call the child-within, the adult-within, and the parent-within. Each aspect is developed in various ways and/or presents itself more or less clearly; depending upon physical age and the details of personal experience and response. The child-within may be characterized by spontaneity, vitality, creativity, imagination, desires, enjoyment, pleasures, and emotional responsiveness. The adult-within may be characterized by attention to facts, details, procedures, technique, logic, reason, and technical competence to achieve a selected goal. The parent-within may be characterized by the power to nurture, encourage, support, affirm and provide comfort and affection in wise ways which generate the security which is the prudent freedom to be vulnerable. If the child-within has not been granted the permission to authentically be true to itself; the child- within pretends to be whatever may please its fancy in efforts to elicit nurture, encouragement, support, affirmation, comfort and affection from available persons. A failure to grant permission to the child-within to be authentically true to itself is an instruction to the child-within to engage in misleading, deceptive and dishonest behavior; which evolves in time to fully developed patterns of personal and communal disintegration. The child-within seeks nurture, encouragement, support, affirmations, comfort and affection; but not necessarily wisely; for early in life the adult-within in poorly developed. If the child-within finds no mature parent present in the family, the child is at a loss for a helpful role model to offer wise guidance through exemplary behavior. The child-within may team up with native ability and lead the development of a manipulative adult-within to create a technically competent, yet manipulatively dishonest, pattern of coping. It is dangerous not to permit the child-within to be true to itself, and not to permit the child-within to be honest about itself. Withholding such permission to be honestly true to self is an instruction to the child-within to be dishonest in imaginative and creative ways; and the child-within is fully capable of being dishonest in imaginative and creative ways, in clever efforts to try to get, own and control what absent parents are not supplying. High levels of sophistication and technical competence may be developed and dedicated to such efforts under the direction of the child-within. In the absence of wise parental guidance and nurture many such efforts are likely to be frustrated, and lead to a frustrated child-within who is likely to express its frustration in disintegrative acting out of the frustration. The child-within does not know how to express its emotions, if it has not seen honest expressions of emotions by present parents. The child-within does not know how to wisely direct its creative abilities, if it has not seen creative abilities wisely guided by present parents. The child-within does not know what true security is, if it has not been permitted to be true to self and other in honest and open dialogue. The child-within has no companion wise parent-within if the parents of the child's family have been physically, emotionally, and spiritually absent from the child; if they have not offered nurture, encouragement, support, affirmations, comfort and affection in wise ways which give the gift of true security which is the prudent freedom to be vulnerable in honestly intimate relationships. In case of absence and need the child-within may take over and develop a sophisticated dishonest adult-within who seeks to be good at misleading manipulations designed to get internal needs filled under the control of the child-within. Such efforts to achieve satisfaction through being a good manipulator of self, others, and things; brings no lasting satisfaction and much frustration, which the child-within does not know how to express creatively or to deal with effectively. Emotional maturity and competence are not the strong suits of the child-within, or of the sophisticated adult developed under the guidance of the child-within. In the absence of a wise parent- within (because of the absence of wise parents in the family of origin) the child-within is lost and confused in the shuffle of a meaningless and unsatisfactory life. No technically competent definitions and procedures have the power to compensate for the lacks which have been suffered. See books by Robert Subby for additional insights. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================