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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %CODEPENDENT CALLING VOCATION POWER GIFT MISSION 900708 The typical codependent upon seeing the typical addict feels called to service to the codependent and to try to save the codependent from his/her misery. The addictive person appears to be in great need of what the codependent has to offer, and it seems selfish in the extreme not to be generous, and to rescue the addict from misery. This calling is as it were a calling from God to embark on a vocation of salvation, a holy mission to do for the addict what the addict will not do for himself/herself. In the light of the apparent calling to service, the typical codependent feels empowered to fulfill the mission. It seems to the codependent that the power to rescue the addict is available to the codependent, and there is a duty to put that power to good use. Would God call and not empower? All things are possible to those who trust in the Lord! With appropriate faith and sacrifice the addict can be saved for the Lord! It is God's will that the service be performed willingly and with joy. There is a calling. It is not a calling from God. It is the dishonest calling of the addict for service! The addict is clever and senses the willingness of the codependent to be of service, and sets out to milk the codependent of as much service as is possible. The method of the addict entails sophisticated methods of deception and misleading behavior. It is not that the addict cannot take care of himself/herself; but rather that the addict refuses to take care of himself/herself so long as there is hope that through clever deception others will take care of him/her. The dishonest hope of the addict springs eternal, and dies very hard. In the presence of the willing codependent the hope is unlikely to die! The codependent would like to believe in having the power to save the addict, and hopes by rescuing the addict to prove to self (and others) that the belief in having that power is justified. Such salvation would bolster the codependent's low self esteem. The codependent's need to save the addict is rooted in the codependent's low self esteem. The calling is not from God, but from the addict and the codependent's low self esteem. The addict has a low self esteem, which the addict hopes to bolster by proving to self (and others) that the addict has the power to have and to hold (to control) the codependent, till death does them part. The addict is willing to make great sacrifices to prove the point, even unto death! The addict is willing to sacrifice himself/herself in the effort to have and to hold the service of another. Honesty is not too great a price to pay! In the great effort the addict sacrifices honesty. The codependent is unwilling to believe that the addict is willing to sacrifice honesty in a dishonest effort to milk the codependent of all she/he has to offer. The codependent continues to believe that even when the addict continues to be cleverly dishonest, the codependent has to power to save the addict from himself/herself. The codependent believes in unconditional love; even to the point of loving the addict much more than the codependent loves self. In "sacrificial love" the codependent is willing to sacrifice far more to take care of the addict, than the addict is willing to sacrifice to take care of self. The codependent does not love the addict like self; but far more than self. This is NOT a fulfillment of the commandment to love the neighbor as thyself. This is a dishonest love, which does not have the power to save the dishonest addict from his/her persistent dishonesty. Authentic love is not absolutely unconditional in its willingness to be of service. Authentic love entails loving others as much as one loves oneself, not more. Authentic love entails helping others take care of themselves; not taking care of others who are unwilling to do for themselves what only they can do---to be honest with themselves and others. Authentic love is not willing to play games of mutual self deception with dishonest people; it confronts dishonesty with charitable love which is true to self and others even in the face of dishonesty. Authentic love is integrative love which is true to the Word of God which is Truth with Love, Power and Justice. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================