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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9006091.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %PARENT AFFIRM SEX EROTIC EXPRESSION GIVE LET-GO 900609 In the absence of parental affirmation of sexuality, erotic relationships, and healthy sex education; children are likely to internalize the message that there is something fundamentally wrong with their sexual feelings and erotic tendencies. The confusion is deepened in the absence of normal expressions of human affection which are not sexual or erotic in character. The emotional debilitation is even deeper in the absence of friendly presence on the part of the parents as real persons to their children. No amount of logical analysis, reasoning, formal teaching or reading will be an adequate substitute for such lacks. Children who have experience such lacks at some point need to come to terms with the reality of what they lacked in their childhoods, acknowledge their loss, and grieve over their loss to honestly come to terms with the reality of the loss. To acknowledge the loss intellectually but not emotionally is unlikely to free them from the prison of repressing the unresolved memory of the loss. In the absence of an adequate acknowledgement of and coming to terms with such a loss, the adult is likely to try to relive their childhood as an adult child, and be doomed to relive the impotence of their childhood in adult settings, over and over and over; without understanding or control. Adults with dysfunctional families of origin which have not been acknowledged as such, are likely to be dysfunctional parents and repeat the cycle by failing their children as their parents failed them. They are likely to express their unresolved frustrations, anger, grief, loss, etc. through addictive behaviors which may be deceptively different in overt appearance than those of their family of origin; yet be fundamentally the same at heart. Their dysfunctional behaviors are likely to be childish attempts to deal with their impotence and inability to control what cannot be controlled; in their past, present and/or future. Their behavior is rooted in failing to be emotionally open and honest about the realities of their early lives. Such adults need to get in touch with their emotional roots and let go of their immature attempts to fix them; acknowledge their emotional roots and detach in love which sets them free to be mature adults no longer tied to the situations of their childhood. They need to acknowledge and to say goodby with emotional honesty to the memories of their childhood, in order to be released from their compulsions to try to fix themselves and others with substitutes which cannot fill the emotional holes which they feel. For further development of these thoughts see the book "Love is a Choice---Recovery for codependent relationships" by Hemfelt, Minirith and Meier, 1989 by Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, TN. and the book "Healing the Family Within" by Robert Subby, published by Health Communications, Inc. in 1990. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================