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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9006032.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %MOTIVATION SEEK INTIMACY FIX SELF ESTEEM CONTROL 900603 The quality of our interpersonal relationships flows in large part from the attitudes, motivations and assumptions which drive, guide, and restrain our approaches to and involvements with each other person. The effect of overt behaviors depend greatly upon the motivations which drive/lead us to engage in our overt behaviors. If we are seeking to achieve, acquire, get, buy, steal, or trade fixes for presumably defective selves; then the behaviors we engage in will have different consequences than if the apparently same behaviors flow from honest efforts to be present to each other in authentic intimacy. The consequences of our behaviors flow not only from our own approaches to each other; but also from how we each perceive each other's approaches. Reality in inter- personal relationships is not independent of perception; for in inter-personal relationships reality and perception are totally inter-dependent, neither is complete without the other. There are no objective realities in interpersonal relationships in the absence of perceptions of the relationships; yet, the perceptions of the relationships do not entirely define the nature of the relationships. There is much that is real in inter- personal relationships which is not perceived, understood, or controlled. That which is essentially mysterious cannot be controlled because it cannot be fully understood in the ways which lead to the possibility of control. Interpersonal relationships which are authentic are essentially mysterious and cannot be controlled. The fulfillment which is characteristic of such relationships cannot be achieved through efforts to control the relationships or the participants in them. To approach such relationships, or to try to create such relationships, in a manipulative way is to destroy them. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================