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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %HONEST MANIPULATIVE TOUCH AFFECTION LOVE INTEGRITY 900306 Touching may be either manipulative or non- manipulative; it may be part of an pattern of addictive and codependent behaviors, or part of an integrative pattern motivated by genuine love. Whether touching is healthy or unhealthy is not an objective reality. Which it is cannot be determined by objective observations, measurements, computations, instruments, experts, etc. Whether touching is healthy or unhealthy depends upon the quality of the relationships among those who are involved in the touching, and can be judged only in the light of honest expressions of their experiences within their touching relationships. If there are no such honest expressions which inform (directly or indirectly) others of the nature of the touching relationships, then others are not in a good position to make wise judgments about whether or not the touching is healthy. If there are no such honest expressions which inform (directly or indirectly) the participants in the touching relationships; then it is highly unlikely that the touching is healthy. In the absence of honest dialogue, touching is likely to be manipulative, coercive, unhealthy. In extreme cases touching may become violent and it may be evident to those not directly involved in the touching relationships that the touching is manipulative, coercive, violent, and unhealthy. Touching is healthy when it is integrative. Touching is unhealthy when it is disintegrative. In extreme cases the character of touching may become objectively evident. In relationships what is perceived may depend as much upon the relationship of the perceiver to those involved in a touching relationships, as upon the nature of the touching relationship. This becomes particularly evident when there is greed, envy, jealousy, embarrassment, etc. on the part of the observer. It is difficult to draw up healthy rules of morality, ethics, law, etc. to control all aspects of touching relationships. Control is not appropriate in such relationships; either on the part of participants or on the part of observers. Yet, it is possible to focus in healthy way upon how integrative or disintegrative the relationships and touching may be, and to make judgments about how much respect and support the relationships deserve. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================