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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %LOVE DETACH UNCONDITIONAL ADDICT SUPPORT HONEST 900304 Confusion regarding our realities and the words which we use to point to our realities can lead to tragically misled behavior. We develop our concepts with the aid of our words and our words point to our conceptions. Both our concepts and the words we use to point to our concepts point to aspects of our realities as we know them and seek to understand them. There is much confusion around our word "love" and around our conceptions of what healthy love is all about. We need to work to clear up our confusions about healthy love. Healthy love does not call for unconditional respect for and support of a person regardless of the person's attitudes, habits and behaviors. Healthy love is not blind. Healthy love deals honestly with a person's attitudes, habits and behaviors; and with their consequences. Healthy love sees clearly the connections between attitudes, habits and behaviors on the one hand; and the natural consequences which flow from them. Healthy love not only sees clearly and honestly; but also deals clearly and honestly with people in love. Healthy love does not call for unconditional support of people in dishonest and misleading patterns of behavior and communication. Healthy love sees clearly in the midst of confusion and deals honestly with confusion which it does see. Healthy love does not call for dishonesty in supporting people. Healthy love calls for honesty in playing the role of the suffering servant. The suffering servant does not participate in collusive games of mutual self deception. The healthy suffering servant is present to participants in such games, but in honest ways which are detached from their games. The healthy suffering servant suffers because of being an honest witness to the truth in the midst of collusive games of mutual self deception; not because of being a participant in such games. Being present to participants in the collusive games of addicts and their codependent supporters does not mean playing their dishonest games; but rather it means being a witness of and to the consequences of their dishonesty. Such a presence is detached from the games while being present for opportunities to participate in open and honest dialogue. Love calls for an honest presence, while being detached from the dishonest games of mutual self deception. Detachment is detachment from dishonest games, not withdrawal from the presence of others. Addicts and their codependent supporters may withdraw from such an honest witness, but the witness need not withdraw from them to detach from their dishonest games. Detachment involves withdrawal from participation in collusive games of mutual self deception. Detachment involves an increasing commitment to always be seeking to be open and honest with self and others in authentic dialogue, ready to listen honestly to others. Detachment involves seeking to develop authentic relationships motivated by honest love which witnesses to the consequences of mistakes, errors, failures, etc. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================