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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %DISHONEST PERFECTIONISTS UNREALISTIC ESTEEM FAIL 900303 Perfectionists are dishonest in that they pretend that perfection is possible to attain. They do not acknowledge that upon the attainment of one definition of perfection; the perfectionist is then bound to invent a new definition of perfection, and to regard the old definition of perfection as being imperfect. Perfectionists are not honest regarding what motivates them to seek perfection: they are seeking to earn acceptance into intimate relationships which are open, honest and characterized by integrity. They lack self esteem and seek to achieve a high self esteem by achieving perfection which will justify/require their acceptance. They are not honest and do not admit that it is impossible to achieve acceptance into healthy intimate relationships; no matter what the form or extent of perfection, no matter what the definition of perfection may be. Perfectionists focus attention upon techniques by which to fulfill their current definition of perfection: they become technocrats, addicts and participants in codependent networks of supporters of addicts---all according to tacit rules of collusive games of mutual self deception. Goals which are attainable through the use of techniques yield the satisfaction of being under the control of the person who set the goals. Perfectionists set for themselves unattainable goals and compulsively try to use techniques to achieve the satisfaction which they foolishly think attainment will bring. Perfectionists are dishonest in that they do not admit that the achievement of technical goals does not bring the kind of satisfaction which they always think it will bring. The kind of satisfaction for which they yearn is not enjoyed upon the achievement of technical goals, but upon open and honest participation in authentic human relationships which are free of misleading and manipulative behavior. In contrast, perfectionists are usually trying to manipulate people in misleading ways. It is no wonder that they are never satisfied! Perfectionists are dishonest about the nature of dilemmas which they regard as problems which can be fixed by techniques: they seek fixes for all kinds of situations which are dilemmas and which are misleadingly perceived as problems. Perfectionists encourage addicts to seek technical fixes for human dilemmas, and discourage everyone from coming to terms with the conditions we humans encounter in dilemmas. If we do not have the courage to honestly face those conditions we cannot honestly come to terms with them. We then lead lives dominated by collusive games of mutual self deception. Perfection is never attainable because our conception of perfection is never perfected. We will do well to be honest about why we seek to attain perfection, and to honestly face the dilemmas which pertain to our desire to attain perfection. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================