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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9002171.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %GIVE OWN LET GO SELF OTHER SAFE FEEL THINK LOVE 900217 We cannot give of ourself what we feel it is unsafe to own as our own. If we feel that we have been forbidden to own some gift as our own, then to give it is to acknowledge that we have owned a forbidden gift; and to invite tacit punishment for having violated the tacit rules. We may want to give a gift, but we may be unable to let go of our gift for fear that in letting go we may disclose ourself in a dangerous way. Thus, we may bottle up in ourself, aspects of ourself which we fear to own and let go of because we feel we have been forbidden to own our own true self. We may feel that we are required to own only what others have given to us as approved gifts; conventionally proper gifts which are regarded as safe. We fear to own and let go of gifts which make others feel insecure, unsafe, embarrassed, threatened, confused, etc. If we begin to offer our true self and find that in doing so we make others so insecure, unsafe, embarrassed, threatened, confused, etc. that they reject both our gift and our self; then we withdraw from our true self and are tempted to offer false selves in efforts to earn self acceptance. But then the self which is accepted is not our true self; and we become confused as to who we really are. When we are confused as to who we really are: we cannot be true to ourself and cannot speak honestly and be truly ourselves; so we engage in misleading, dishonest, collusive, addictive and codependent patterns of behavior, and in being selves that are more tolerated than we find our true self to be tolerated. We become lies and lose track of what personal and communal integrity are; and cannot see that we have lost our integrity with the loss of our true selves. It is thus important to seek to be able to honestly accept our selves and others as we really are; by working to create social contexts in which we can be secure, safe, unembarrassed, un-threatened, un-confused and accepted as our true selves. In the absence of such social contexts, we become lies and lose track of what personal and communal integrity are; and cannot see that we have lost our integrity with the loss of our true selves. We cannot save our selves as individuals without working to create social contexts in which we are ALL free to give our selves openly and honestly in integrative dialogue. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================