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This is http://www.essayz.com/a8910172.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %CHANGE WAYS OF PRETENDING TO BE BETTER 891017 Change is essential to growth, but healthy growth depends upon honest change, not upon the pretense of change. Sometimes we change the ways we pretend and the kinds of pretense which we seek to maintain. There is little gain to change from pretending to be good in way "A" to pretending to be good in way "B". So long as there is pretense in being good it is not healthy. Essential change is central to healthy growth, but essential change entails changes in our essential values, ideals, attitudes, assumptions, etc.; not merely changes in the appearances which we present to others and to ourselves. We may engage in collusive games of mutual self deception in which we pretend to be what we are not, and we pretend to not be what we are. We do not cease such collusive games of mutual self deception by changing what it is that we pretend to be/not-be. Our collusive games of mutual self deception are a disease which is central to addictive and codependent behavior. To pretend that we are no longer addictive or codependent is not a cure of the disease. A central feature of the disease is dishonesty. We do not eliminate that feature by pretending to be honest. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================