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This is http://www.essayz.com/a8910071.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %PERFECT COMPENSATION LOW SELF ESTEEM ADDICT 891007 People who have not experienced and do not know authentic love often have low self esteem, because others have not esteemed them authentically. They do not regard themselves as authentic persons. They have often been rejected and suffered various forms of violence, ostensibly for imperfections in their behavior and character. This often occurred in a forgotten childhood. Such people often seek to achieve acceptability by trying to perfect themselves or something which they perceive to be under their control. To avoid rejection for imperfections they seek to achieve some form of perfection. They may try to perfect other people, as others have tried to perfect them by rejecting them for their own imperfection. This will, of course, perpetuate the cycle of low self esteem and rejection. People of low self esteem may try to achieve perfections other than perfection of persons; e.g., perfect homemaking, perfect school grades, perfect workmanship, perfect argumentation/logic, perfect moral behavior, perfect beliefs/faith, perfect sex, perfect science, perfect knowledge, etc. Perfectionists who seek to achieve love-ability and acceptability through some form of perfection tend to reject that which is imperfect, including themselves and others. The assumptions which they make as the foundation for their quest leads to the frustration of the quest, both as regards to the process of the quest, and the attainment of its goal. They cannot enjoy the process, they rarely achieve goals, and cannot enjoy whatever they do achieve. Perfectionists need to change their most fundamental assumptions about what is most important in meaningful living. They need to seek to learn the nature of authentic love which sets people free to engage in open and honest dialogue which leads, in turn, to personal and communal integrity. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================