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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %LACK LOVE MANIPULATE COERCE VIOLENT TECHNIQUE 890909 People who have not enjoyed real love often turn to the use of coercive and manipulative techniques to try to achieve/get that which they think they lack. The do not know just what it is that they lack and have missed out on, not having experienced it in any real way. Yet, they may think that they know. In their ignorance due to their lack of experience of real love, they do not know that real love can not be achieved or gotten through the use of coercive or manipulative techniques. They do not know that real love is given as a gift and accepted as a gift in authentic personal relationships. Real love is not a possession which can be owned, bought, sold, stolen, controlled, lost. Real love is not lost in the giving. Real love is not gained through stealing. Real love is not controlled. When people who have not known real love get a glimpse of real love, they are tempted to try to hang on to it and to gain control of it. They are tempted to try to own, buy, steal, or control that which is glimpsed as sweet beyond words. They seek manipulative techniques by which to gain assurances of love through systems of laws, morality, ethics, propriety, government, etc. They seek in vain, not knowing the real nature of real love. When people who have not known real love, who have fallen into addictive, codependent, and/or collusive patterns of behavior, get more than a glimpse of real love, and learn of its demands for authentic giving and receiving in open honesty; they are likely to be terrified, and find it impossible to take the demands seriously. There must be something wrong with the people who suggest that real love makes such demands. They cannot believe that the fulfillment of the demands for authentic giving and receiving is connected in essential ways with the fruits of real love which call so sweetly. In terror they avoid the changes in their lives which are called for by real love. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================