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This is http://www.essayz.com/a8907271.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %GIVE SELF AUTHENTIC MEANING SECURE CONTEXT OTHERS 890727 We can give of ourselves authentically and meaningfully only to the extent that we enjoy the advantages of a secure context given to us by those around us. We can enjoy the advantages of a secure context only to the extent that we willingly grant a secure context to those around us. We cannot achieve a secure context for ourselves at the expense of those around us. Trying to achieve a secure context for ourselves through defensive maneuvers puts those around us on the defensive; a maneuver which is a declaration of insecurity. This should not surprise us; for, trying to achieve a secure context for ourselves through defensive maneuvers is our declaration of our insecurity. We can give of ourselves authentically and meaningfully only to the extent that we accept the advantages of a secure context offered to us by those around us. If we do not accept their offer we thereby declare our insecurity and our tendency to be on the defensive; we are not enjoying the secure context which they offer. Our rejection of their offer tends to encourage them to be on the defensive; to be insecure. If they accept our encouragement to be on the defensive we all lose. Defensive games are lose-lose games. Games in which we authentically offer each other security are win-win games. There is NOT a limited amount of security to go around. Security is not a conserved quantity. The more we give security to others, the more security there is to go around. We cannot have security for ourselves unless we give it to others. We cannot have security unless we accept it from others. The way to live is to love others as we first truly love ourselves. The way to die is to distrust others as we distrust ourselves. To love is to seek to promote wholeness, integrity, health, and security for all around us. We cannot love if we cannot trust ourselves because we are dishonest. The way to live is to take God's steps towards honesty towards ourselves and towards others; i.e., to pray authentically, not as a technique to achieve control or any other goal. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================