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This is http://www.essayz.com/a8805171.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %CONVERSATION AFFIRM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE ATTITUDE 880517 Personal experiences are as real as anything is to a person, yet they are mediated by personal attitudes, assumptions, beliefs, convictions, and patterns of thought and feeling. Personal experiences are not objective realities which are real apart from the persons who experience them. Personal experiences flow from objective realities and from personal attitudes. Personal attitudes play a major role in what experiences a person has at a sophisticated social gathering. Objective realities play a major role in what experiences a person has when lost in a mountain wilderness. In all personal experiences both objective realities and personal attitudes play significant roles. The integration of personal attitudes and objective realities is facilitated by conversations in which people can compare their attitudes and experiences. Through conversations people can transform their attitudes to help them deal more creatively with objective realities which are not subject to their control. Conversations can turn around people whose attitudes lead them in tragic ways. Through conversion of tragic attitudes people can cooperate in creative ways to overcome misleading patterns of thought and feeling. Our patterns of thought and feeling are often fundamentally out of touch with objective reality. Our attitudes are often the product of collusive games of mutual self deception; games which we play in addictive efforts to control appearances when realities cannot be controlled satisfactorily. Too often we become imprisoned in games wherein we try to gain satisfaction through the systematic control of appearances. Real satisfaction is not achieved through gaining control of appearances. Neither is real control achieved through gaining systematic control of processes which concern people. Such processes involve human behavior. To gain satisfaction through control would entail gaining satisfaction through the control of human behavior. An attempt to gain satisfaction through control of humans leads to tragedy, not to satisfaction. Human meaning and fulfillment is a gift received by people engaged in honest conversations within cooperative efforts to promote both personal and communal integrity. Such honest conversations are not efforts to achieve control of any thing or any body. In such conversations participants are free to be vulnerable in intimate relationships which grow in secure contexts for honesty and openness. Growing and nurturing intimacy in such secure contexts is the essence of being personally faithful to each other. People who are faithful in personally meaningful relationships are faithful to each other as unique persons, not to standard dogma, doctrines, rituals, and conventions. In intimate conversations faithful people learn about each others' experiences, attitudes and how to relate creatively to realities over which there cannot be systematic control. Being faithful does not mean being in systematic control of behavior; it involves being open and honest in conversations which reveal and realize personal potentials, making them real in ways which had not been expected, intended, or planned. Systematic control entails fulfilling a predetermined plan. The person who draws up the plan is in control of the final result when systematic control is successful. The people who are controlled do not help determine the outcome of the plan when someone is in control. To thoughtlessly respect systematic control of people is to lay the foundation for the disintegration of healthy personal relationships. In healthy personal relationships all participants contribute significantly to the evolution of the relationships. The evolution of healthy personal relationships are not systematically controlled by any of the participants nor by any of their systems. None of the participants nor any of their systems are granted that power. Healthy people do not yield to systematic control. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================