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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %COMMITMENT CODEPENDENT CONTROL FEELINGS EMOTIONS 870612 In some relationships the participants commit themselves to co-dependency and control as if they were co-requirements of intimate relationships. To them to be intimate with another is to make a commitment to be co- dependent with them, and to participate in a relationship of bilateral mutual control: each having rights of control over the other, but not necessarily equal and balanced rights of control. The rules of tacit rights to control are never clearly stated and agreed to. One participant usually believes in having superior rights, usually the male. The other participant usually ends up exercising more subtle control. Both usually resent the efforts at control by the other, but neither can see the way out of the commitment to a relationship entailing mutual control as part of the deal. Trouble is brewing when people begin to try to gain control of feelings and emotions. Good feelings and emotions flow from integrative relationships, not from the achievement of control. Emotional fulfillment is a gift, not an achievement; it is to be accepted, not attained. Emotional fulfillment can not be achieved for self or for others. Emotional fulfillment is not a gift which is created by one person and given to another person, it is a gift received and enjoyed together by participants in an integrative relationship which is free of co-dependency and control. People who try to achieve fulfillment through some kind of control can not accept the gift of fulfillment within integrative relationships. Attempts to achieve control are disintegrative and undermine the integrative relationships within which fulfillment may be accepted. There is no power great enough to insure fulfillment through control because the concept "fulfillment through control" is essentially lacking in integrity; it is self contradictory and not related to genuine fulfillment. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================