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This is http://www.essayz.com/a8706022.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %CONTROLLER VS HELPER 870602 Jill is trying to be helpful to Jack who does not know how to take care of himself properly. Jack does not have the good sense to do for himself what needs to be done, and Jill is willing to be helpful. Jack is lucky to have somebody as nice as Jill to look after him. He should be most appreciative of how lucky he is! Maybe someday he will grow up and acknowledge how lucky he has been. Jill does not want Jack to be dependent all of his life. She want him to learn how to take care of himself. For this reason she is working on getting him to learn how to take care of himself. She is offering him guidance about how to take care of himself properly; every day offering him guidance about how to take care of himself properly; every day offering many suggestions about what to do, and when, and how. When Jack makes mistakes, or is about to make a mistake, Jill is always ready to help him recognize the foolishness of making such a mistake, and pointing out how better to do things. Of course, she does all this gently and with great tact, so as not to offend Jack and elicit his resentment. She is a skillful trainer and eventually Jack will be well enough trained to do things for himself. Jill is patient and persistent, tenacious. She will not give up in her endeavor. Eventually she will have the situation under control and will be proud of how well she carried out her duty. Jack would like to have some successes of his own, and to be free to discover what is right for him. He can not do this with all the help he is getting from Jill. He feels trapped, and in response finds clever ways to trap Jill in a trap much like the one he is in; poetic justice. Jack out of resentment behaves in ways which ties Jill more and more to her responsibility. Jack imprisons Jill in a way which is the mirror image of how Jill imprisons Jack; each trapping the other in the continuation of the mirror behavior of their own, with subtle changes in the images upon each reflection which is thoughtless--- reactions rather than charitable and serene responses which are freely made with personal integrity. They are trapped in their reciprocal reactions to each other's reactions; attached to each other's dependency without the freedom of genuine love and appreciation. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================