blog traffic analysis
This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %NOT BEING IN CONTROL SELF ESTEEM 870412 When people believe that it is good to be in control they are bound to fall into the trap of tying their self esteem to being in control. They are likely to believe that good people are in control, and evil people are not in control. If Jack believes that good people have control, and he finds he does not have control, Jack is bound to seek ways to achieve control; in order to strengthen the low self esteem he is bound to have for lacking control. Jack is bound to seek the knowledge and technologies through which to achieve the ability to understand, predict and control; to become like others who are seen as having a good life---presumably because they know how to be in control and so are good people. Jack seeks to acquire the means to control and the good life. Different people perceive different means as the keys to control: knowledge, money, possessions, friends, prestige, respectability, income, influence, work, sex, power, alcohol, drugs, weapons, allies, appearances, etc. When any such means is perceived as the key to having control and high self esteem, the way is paved for a progressive trip toward addiction to the desired means to control. The perceived means to control is regarded as the key to salvation, yet progressive use and/or abuse of the means as a means to achieve control inevitably results in progressively less power to have any control over the course of events affecting what is meaningful in life. So long as the belief in the means as an effective means persists, the addiction process persists. This is likely to be the case and the addiction is likely to progress so long as people tolerate the belief it is good to be in control, and people remain bound by their logic to tie their self esteem to being in control. They will not be able to be honest with themselves or others about the fact that no person is ever in control of any meaningful human relationship. They will seek control, rather than meaningful intimate human relationships---with all the vulnerability which such relationships entail. True and meaningful security are found in intimate human relationships which involve high levels of vulnerability, not in defensive efforts to achieve control and invulnerability. There are few things which humans can control. Meaningful relationships can not be controlled. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================