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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %DETACHMENT FROM PERVERSE DEPENDENCY 861217 Some people chose to play the role of a dependent victim of circumstances. They present themselves to charitable people and manipulate charitable people to sustain a relationship of dependency which is perverse. Such dependent victims of circumstances choose not to do what they might do---to solve their own problems as fully as they might. Thus they increase their dependency and the opportunities/needs for others to be charitable. They have much time to devote to creative manipulation of people's acceptance of their role as victim. It is not easy for charitable people to detach themselves from such imprisoning relationships of perverse dependency. The perverse dependent needs to achieve some level of independence in order to be able to become interdependent. They can not learn how to cope for themselves---if they are protected from all the consequences of their mistakes. They need to learn that consequences are not all punishments initiated by other people. They need to learn that their own decisions and actions lead to natural consequences which are beyond the powers of others to prevent. They need to come to respect the power they have to make a mess of their own life---and to realize that others can not prevent them from making a mess of their life---if they are grimly determined to make a mess of their life. They can not learn this so long as other people are successful in preventing them from suffering the natural consequences of their own foolish behavior. To detach from the perverse dependent person is to refuse to be cast into the role of rescuer of the determined victim. To detach is to refuse to be emotionally manipulated by the determined victim. To detach is to refuse to accept extreme responsibility for all of the victim's foolishness. To detach is not to reject, or to be indifferent, but rather to seek more mature relationships of mutual interdependency and respect. Relationships of perverse dependency are not mature, not mutual, not open, not honest, do not promote personal or communal integrity and are not genuinely charitable. Detachment from perverse dependency is move towards mature relationships of mutual respect and interdependency. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================