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This is http://www.essayz.com/a8612092.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %ENABLING & FACILITATING PERVERSE BEHAVIOR 861209 Enabling behavior may be perverse behavior if it enables unjust dependency which imprisons people in their dependency, when they might be more free and interdependent as persons capable of independence. It does not help a person to help them evade the consequences of their own perverse judgments and behavior, to blame the consequences upon others, to deny personal responsibility, to participate in communal games of mutual self deception. A perverse enabler tends to confuse being sympathetic and supportive with paternalistic protection against the consequences of foolish behavior. The reality and consequences of mistakes must not be denied, evaded, projected upon others, or in any other way ignored; for to do any such thing is to fail to learn how to avoid making the same mistakes again. A genuine enabler helps people avoid repeating mistakes by learning as much as possible from each mistake made. A genuine enabler helps people feel secure and free to acknowledge mistakes made without the burden of alienative guilt. Only when one is secure and free to acknowledge one's own mistakes, their consequences, and that there are alternative choices which may be made in similar future situations; only then is one able to learn from one's own mistakes, and get ahead in a more successful and meaningful life. A perverse enabler engenders guilt by depriving dependent people of affective support, security and opportunities to suffer the consequences of mistakes made; doing so in ways that promote learning which leads away from repeating the same mistakes in the future. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================