This-essay is a7705111.htm which is available at the web-site www.essayz.com. See more notes at the bottom. Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay By-Months By-Years By-Words Webs of Like-&-Un-Like ESSAYS <==> Like-&-UN-Like This-One ========================================================== %CONSIDERATION 770511 Consideration without dialogue is likely to be destructive. It is not enough to do onto others as you would have them do onto do; for others may be offended and/or hurt by being treated as you would like to be treated. It is not enough to do onto others as you think is going to be good for them; for you understanding of their situation, needs, and desires may be uninformed, biased by your prejudices and needs, or confused. It is not enough to do onto others as you think they want you to do onto them; for you impression of what they want may be inaccurate. It is not love to enslave yourself to doing only what others want/expect of you. For these reasons consideration without dialogue is likely to be destructive. Personal relationships which persist without dialogue are thus likely to be destructive, no matter how considerate participants try to be. Thus, anything which blocks personal dialogue promotes destructive behavior. To be truly considerate of another person one must maintain one's own selfhood, while at the same time seeking to be in dialogue with consideration of other's situation, needs, desires, abilities, weaknesses, hopes, aspirations, failures, etc. To repress or be dishonest about self's own situation, needs, desires, abilities, weaknesses, hopes, aspirations, failures, etc.---will be destructive in the long run---even though the motivation for that repression or dishonesty is attempting to be considerate of others. Repression and dishonesty violate one's own integrity and undermine the possibility of genuine dialogue---thus violating the significance and meaning of the attempted consideration. These considerations can become especially perplexing and confounding when it appears that expressing one's own desires will unfairly constrain other's freedom. Then it is tempting to try to express love by repressing one's own desires, lest one imprison other persons through their felt desire/duty to respond affirmatively to one's own desires for others. Thus my expression desire to be united with another person may occasion that person's failure to affirm their own individuality---especially if society has assigned to that person roles of dependency, submissiveness, and conformity to normative behavior. Nevertheless, paternalistic repression of one's own desires will deny the loved one the freedom to accept or reject the opportunities occasioned by those desires---a freedom more to be valued than the freedom from the demands of love. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================Lines beginning with a percent sign are KEYWORDS for use in ESSAY-System Searches. Their terminal digits are dates of writing in the format @yymmdd#, where @ = a means 99, @ = b means 20, and # = is a within-date essay-count. Links to date-adjacent essays are near page top & bottom.
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