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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %SIMPLISTIC BOUNDARIES INTEGRATIVE DESTRUCTIVE SEX 030515 %GRACIOUS LOVERS EXPRESSIONS COMMUNICATIONS DESIRES 030515 %TRUE INTIMACY MUTUALLY SATISFYING PLEASURES DEVILS 030515 %TRAGICALLY MISLEAD BALANCE REASONING ASSUMPTION 030515 %MOTIVATIONS RITUALS EXPERIENCES LAW ENFORCEMENT 030515 %EXAMPLE POSITIVE NEGATIVE ABSTRACTIONS DOMINATION 030515 It i NOT A SIMPLE THING to draw helpful and gracious boundaries between integrative and destructive expressions of human desires for true-intimacy and mutually-satisfying sexual-pleasures --- and the sharing of them. Over- simplifications are tragically misleading! Many distinctions need to be recognized in comparing integrative and disintegrative: motivations, reasoning, assumptions, goals, logic, images, rituals, reverence, honors, experiences, actions, insights, revelations, laws, and the enforcement of them --- when considering how to manage-well the many expressions of human sexual desires --- so as to promote: human health, well-being, personal-integrities and communal integrities. Various helpful distinctions need to be clarified by making use of: specific-examples, (both positive and negative), parables, stories, theoretical statements and generalizations, rituals, plays, ballets, songs, music, etc. Often, distinctions need to be articulated to expose the dis-integrative consequences of drawing boundaries in ways which are dominated by the fears-of-domineering- supporters of "The Domination System" and/or "The Fallen Powers That Be". Whenever boundaries are drawn "in-the- service-of-such-fears" --- the consequences are tragically dis-integrative. Likewise, distinctions need to be articulated in ways which favor and honor the gracious understanding of, the transcendence of, and the subversion of --- the above named fears and their associated dis- integrative behaviors. As noted above, such distinctions need to be clarified by (positive and negative): parables, stories, theoretical statements and generalizations, rituals, plays, ballets, songs, music, etc. The rule "Just say no!" is inadequately simplistic. ALWAYS saying "no" is tragically misguide and inadequate! It is essential to give gracious guidance regarding under what circumstances it is overall integrative to offer invitations and to say yes to invitations to sexual pleasures and to the sharing and augmentation of them. Likewise, guidance regarding commonly enjoyed patterns of courtship and mutually- pleasurable "getting-together" can be graciously offered and be helpful --- in the absence of disintegrative objections by intrusive domineering people! All individual people's right to say "no" to suggested intimacy need to be emphasized. Such wishes, however expressed, need to be honored. Violating such rights is abusive and disintegrative! It is essential to say "no" to suggested sexual pleasures whenever saying "yes" will: 1. Spread sexually transmitted diseases, 2. Violate somebody's right to say "no", 3. Entail unilaterally breaking a promise/covenant, 4. Violate gracious laws and law-enforcement, 5. Entail dishonesty, violence and/or coercion, 6. Clearly lead to alienation, anger or resentment, 7. Empower some, at the expense of the vulnerable, 8. Please some, at the expense of the vulnerable, 9. Violate principles of balance and mutuality, 10. Otherwise lead to dis- integration. It is essential to be tolerant, if failing to be tolerant --- will violate somebody's rights to: 1. Privacy and sanctuary, 2. Be honest, 3. Be truly loving and gracious, 4. Personal and communal integrity, 5. Be true to themselves and to each other, 6. Communicate experiences honestly/graciously, 7. Not be harassed with intrusive questioning. We need to become aware and beware IF the number and style of negative statements, dominate over the number and style of affirmations made in good grace and love. "Just say no" is thus tragically inadequate and misleading. Sexual pleasures are NOT essentially "evil"; even if enjoying them does entail great potential risks and dangers to those who are kept ignorant of the risks. With appropriate knowledge and guidance the risks of enjoying sexual pleasures can be managed so as to promote personal and communal health and integrity --- with mutual pleasures shared appropriately. The manipulative use of excommunication of any form is counter-productive, tragically uncalled for, and so is not worthy of respect, honor, support or tolerance. When in the context of dealing with sexual relationships any of the following are evident --- beware of the roles being played by domineering people who are "in the service of" The Domination System and The Fallen Powers That Be: 1. Violence, 2. Coercion, 3. Dishonesty, 4. Excommunication, 5. Arrogance, 6. Self-righteousness, 7. Unilateral-controls, 8. Power Concentrations, 9. Contentiousness, 10. Pretentiousness. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================