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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %HEALTHY FAMILY COMMUNITY BOUNDARIES LIMITS RULES+021224 %EVOLVING CHANGING ADAPT DYSFUNCTIONAL BUDGETING+021224 %FROZEN CHOSEN TIME RESOURCES MONEY FINANCES GODS+021224 %DICHOTOMOUS FEELINGS ASSUMPTIONS ATTITUDES DEVILS+021224 %ONE SINGLE ULTIMATE CONCERN IDOL WORSHIP NEGLECTED+021224 %EXCLUSION PURITY TEMPTATION INCLUSION INTEGRATION 021224 In a healthy family/community there are many evolving boundaries related to the budgeting of time, resources, money, etc. As environments and needs change --- so do the placements of various boundaries; if the family and community are healthy. In a dysfunctional family/community there are many "frozen" boundaries related to the budgeting of time, resources, money, etc. As environments and needs change --- frozen boundaries remain unchanged because dichotomous feelings, assumptions, attitudes, thoughts and principles lead people to do the following kinds of things: 1. Place boundaries at either/or locations; e.g., dictating that just one single concern will be worshipped and all others will be neglected almost totally. 2. Demand that new/additional considerations NOT be introduced --- out of fear that any new/additional consideration will move toward taking over completely --- in keeping with the dominant either/or frame of mind. 3. Eliminate giving any thoughtful attention to spectrums of complementary/supplementary needs, desires, insights and people. 4. Encourage people to over-simplify life into battles between two armies; "us" versus "them" --- while permitting "us" to have evolving major concerns, and not permitting "them" to be anything but enemies who cannot and must-not be trusted. 5. NOT allow new thoughts and considerations to come alive in creative ways which are helpfully responsive to changes in the overall environment, communities and humane needs. 6. Say that getting more of what is worshipped will be better than the introduction of even a bit of any possible competitor. 7. Say that the exclusion of all competition is essential to good security which is always based upon maintaining "perfect invulnerability". 8. Say that the allocation of new powers by those who already have much power --- is better than the chaos of many competitors fighting over who is going to dominate and be in control. All revolutions are chaotic and are best avoided. It is best to keep revolutions from getting started. Or so it seems. In healthy families/communities the budgeting of time, resources, money, etc. evolves gradually --- based upon inputs from all complementary kinds of people and considerations --- so that gradual changes are made in the relative amounts of time, resources, money, etc. which are allocated to various needs such as: a. Housing, b. Food, c. Clothing, d. Health-care, e. Education, f. Sanctuary-building, g. Communal infrastructures, h. Saving for emergencies, i. Giving to the needy, j. Investing in repairs/improvements, k. Research and development, l. Communal health/protection, m. Highways/Communication networks, n. Cultural exploration, o. Unanticipated opportunities, p. Peacemaking conflict-resolution, q. Relaxation and resting, r. Entertainment and celebrations, s And new budget items. Gradual evolutions as suggested above depend upon: 1. Acknowledging that either/or dichotomous thinking and conflicts stand in the way of wisely and prudently responding to evolving needs and desires on the part of diverse members of the community. 2. Acknowledging the fact that a healthy and well integrated community includes diverse/complementary people, insights, talents and workers cooperating with each other --- and does NOT involve destructive conflicts among diverse and complementary people, insights, talents and workers. 3. Working upon clarifying the insights pointed to above and making practical use of them in helping diverse communities to become better integrated within themselves; and with other communities with which they interact only occasionally. 4. Working on involving as many diverse members of each community in making extensive inputs into the gradual evolution of where old and new boundaries should be placed in the light of evolving overall environmental conditions; and in the light of evolving overall human experiences, insights, needs and desires. Exclusivity is rarely likely to be helpful. Inclusivity is often likely to be helpful. Some people feel that it is their duty, right and/or privilege to dominate/control certain aspects of other people's lives; e.g., hair-length, dress-styles, thoughts, desires, hopes, aspirations, fears, associations, beliefs, friendships, etc. Such people often assume that there should be no boundaries placed upon their duties, rights and/or privileges in such regards --- because they have been called by God to do what they are doing. They often believe that because it is God who called them to their duties, human have no right to object to them working to fulfill God's Will. Thus they find themselves in ultimate conflicts with people who regard them as domineering people who are behaving irresponsibly --- outside the range of their appropriate authority/powers. They see no need to cooperate with people who are "different", and so trigger violence with people who are "different" in any way. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================