blog traffic analysis
This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %RESPONSE DIFFERENCE REFERENCE SIGNAL ACTUAL+950913 %EXPECT HOPES WANTS DESIRES NEEDS SHOULDS FEARS 950913 We often respond to each other and situations in terms of our level of surprise. If our level of surprise is low our response is relatively routine, part of a familiar pattern. If our level of surprise is high, our response is unlikely to be routine; or, if our response is apparently routine, our overt response may be part of an effort not to give away how surprised we were. Our surprise may be pleasant or distressed. In any case, how we respond depends significantly upon how surprised we are by a situation, or by what a person has said or done. Our level of surprise depends much upon what we have expected, wanted, hoped for, or think should occur, or be the case. How we respond depends upon differences between our expectations, wants, hopes and "shoulds"; and what we encounter. We may expect others to respond to what we perceive to be what we have said or done; and may be surprised when their response seems to be incongruent with what we perceive to be what we said or did. We often forget that: 1. What others perceive that we have said or done may be quite different from what we perceive that we have said or done. 2. Others respond in ways which relate strongly to their level of SURPRISE due to what they perceive that we have said or done; rather than to just what they perceive that we have said or done. We need to be more sensitive to: 1. The fact that others' perceptions are often not the same as perceptions. 2. That other's responses depend heavily on the level of surprise due to contrasts with their expectations, wants, hopes, and "shoulds". If we think that by selecting what we say and do we can control other people's behaviors, we are neglecting to attend the above considerations regarding the important role which surprise plays in how we and others respond to what each other says and does. Human relationships are too complex for any of us to have any possibility of controlling the attitudes, thoughts, decisions and actions of other persons. We cannot know enough about other people, and about how human relationships evolve---to have any reliable basis for trying to control other persons. Any effort to control human behaviors is based upon a misleading paradigm which is bound to have disintegrative consequences. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================