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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9303281.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %HEALTH DIFFERENCE RELATION PERSON PRESENCE ABSENCE 930328 To make healthy distinctions between healthy relationships and un-healthy relationships we need to be sure to include in our considerations attention to the presence and/or absence within the relationship of: balance, honesty, justice, mutuality, respect, responsiveness, affection, growth, change, vulnerability, security, dialogue, listening, forgiveness, tolerance, conflict resolution, confidence, self-esteem, trust, reliability, etc. In the absence of recognized, articulated and respected healthy ways to distinguish between healthy relationships and unhealthy relationships---the distinctions are likely to be made in unhealthy ways; on the basis of superficial appearances, suspicions, misleading interpretations, repressive rules and regulations, collusive games of mutual self deception, preoccupations with issues of control, etc. When we start to fall honestly in love we are tempted to protect ourselves from the risks of the fall---by means with which we try to take control of the fall, of love, of ourselves, of others. We are tempted to seek ways to avoid being lead by honest love into new healthy patterns of growth; for they are risky and unpredictable. If we are involved in collusions we may abuse "good" rules, regulations, prohibitions, taboos, ethical codes, etc. to undermine the promptings of true love; and healthy attention to what prompted the development of them. If we think it is easy to tell the difference, we are probably operating under the influence of a pattern of collusions, addictions and/or codependencies. If we ultimately fear the risks of falling love, then do not know how to tell the difference between healthy intimacy and unhealthy intimacy; they we are very likely to repress all temptations to be open, honest, responsive, integrative, trusting, vulnerable, spontaneous, and involved in balanced dialogue. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================