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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9303133.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %OBJECTIVE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH COLLUSION+930313 %PARANOID DISHONESTY DECEPTION ADDICT CODEPEND LOVE 930313 We often have difficulty perceiving, recognizing, and describing the difference between a threat to our personal and communal integrity on the one hand, an a threat to our collusions, addictions and codependencies. If we and our community cannot make such distinctions reliably; then we are bound to treat threats to our collusions, addictions and codependence in much the same way as threats to our personal and communal integrity. If such is the case, we are hardly in a position to protect our integrity. Threats to our collusions, addictions and codependencies are bound to engender unbounded fear; fear without: bounds, boundaries, knowledge, understanding, insight, honesty, love, or power to respond prudently to real threats to our integrity. Threats to our collusions, addictions and codependencies are not threats to our personal and communal integrity. If threats engender inclinations to: manipulate people, try to be in control, use deception as a tool of manipulation, be violent, take advantage of people's vulnerability, or be arrogant---then the threats are not threats to our integrity. If we are open and honest in healthy integrative relationships and our integrity is threatened we may reasonably fear the threats to our integrity---and take prudent steps to rob the threats of their power. The first step which will rob the threats of their power is to avoid imprudent fear which is unbounded. Prudent fear is based upon a deep respect for reasonable boundaries, knowledge, understanding, insight, honesty, love and power to respond openly and honestly to real threats to our integrity. Prudent fear looks clearly at the situation and asks what about the situation most merits open and honest fear; and how to deal with the threat to integrity. To respond prudently to real threats to integrity we must recognize that it is the balance between personal and communal integrity which most need to be protected; and that fear of open and honest communication, intimacy, and self revelation is the most dangerous threat to our integrity. To rob that fear of its power we must give all peoples the gift of true security; i.e., the freedom to be vulnerable with safety. Those people to whom such security is not given will be defensive and be a threat to our integrity. The best defense is the gift of true security. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================