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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %HEAL ADDICTIVE RELATION WOUND RESENT ANGER BLAME 930211 We cannot heal the wounds of our dysfunctional addictive and codependent relationships by blaming other participants in our dysfunctional relationships for the all pain. Nursing our anger, resentment and desires for revenge will not promote healing; will not promote personal or communal integrity. In dysfunctional relationships there are at least two participants. The way that the participants respond to each other's behaviors creates the relationship. Power may not be equal in relationship; and often, as in the case of the relationship between abusive parents and their children, the imbalance of power is great. In relationships between adults their may not be a real balance of power, but usually participants in dysfunctional relationships choose to continue the relationship, rather than to terminate it. Adult participants share in the responsibility for continued participation. For there to be healing of the wounds of our dysfunctional relationships we need to be honest about our roles in creating the dysfunctional relationships. Pretending that the relationship was determined by somebody else, with us playing no role, does not promote healing of the wounds of the relationship. Healing is most complete when all participants in a former dysfunctional relationship learn how to be honest with each other about the nature of the relationship and about the respective roles which participants played in it. Each participant may heal somewhat in proportion to the amount of honesty which each offers to the healing process. All may heal quite fully if all offer full honesty to the healing process. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================