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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9301242.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %PARENT ADULT CHILD FAMILY VIOLENCE HEALTH RELATE 930124 To the extent that in our earlier years we have been abandoned, abused, neglected and left feeling insecure; we are prone to compensate by clutching, clinging and holding onto other persons whom we think/feel offer the fulfillment of our needs. We may feel/think that the fact that we were abandoned, abused and/or neglected; is a good excuse for our clutching, clinging and holding onto other persons. Our understanding is then shallow; and not a helpful/useful understanding. We cannot fulfill our needs by clutching, clinging and holding onto any person or persons; no matter how good and powerful they may be, no matter how good for us they may appear to be. The fulfillment of our real needs comes through our participating in fulfilling relationships which are balanced, healthy, honest; and characterized by integrative attitudes, thinking and behaviors. Clutching, clinging and holding onto other persons destroys the possibility of developing such fulfilling relationships--- no matter how skillfully we construct excuses based upon how we may have been abandoned, abused, neglected and left feeling insecure. Only unhealthy people in unhealthy relationships feel happy with others in clutching, clinging and holding-on kinds of relationships. Beware of yourself and others when you and they find apparent fulfillment in such relationships; for the fulfillment is only apparent, and the relationship is a disintegrative one. You and they need to focus upon improving the quality of the relationships, not upon each other as the sources of fixes or as objects in need of our "fulfilling" fixes. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================