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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9301044.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %SICK LOGIC REASON BOND GIFT PARENT GUILT SHAME 930104 If we grew up in a dysfunctional family of origin where our parents gave us very little of long term value, but did give us shame and guilt; then by a sick kind or logic/reason we may bond to our shame and guilt as dear gifts from our parents which we cannot let go of---because we have little else given to us by our parents. Even if our parents did not abuse us physically through active violence, we may have been abused through neglect and lack of true non-manipulative affection; passive abuse. Our parents may have been unable to do better by us; may have done the best that the knew how and could do---and we still be wounded. For us to heal we need to deal with the truth. If we cling to the shame and guilt which we received from our parents---regarding them as precious gifts which we dare not let go of---then we are not free to heal because we are not free to deal with the truth about our childhood. Coming to terms with the truth about our childhood may involve letting go of false images of how wonderful it was, letting go of our "gifts" of shame and guilt, letting go of our images of our parents as more healthy then they were; and honestly grieving our loss. Grief is often essential to learning to deal honestly with the truths which are painful to accept. It is a mistake to try to avoid grief, for grief is often the doorway to a better life for ourselves AND FOR OUR CHILDREN. If we do not learn to deal openly and honestly with the truth about our family of origin, we may give the same kind of family of origin to our own children. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================