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This is http://www.essayz.com/a9208272.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %VIOLENT COERCIVE SEX RELATION RESTRAIN REPRESS 920827 Intimacy and sexual relationships are often disintegrative because of the violence, coercion and abuse of power which is present in the relationships; and the false judgment is made that the core of the problem has to do with intimacy and/or sexuality---rather than with violence, coercion and/or the abuse of power. The often prescribed cure which flows from this false judgment is a prescription calling for the avoidance, repression, or control of intimacy and/or sexuality; rather than any call for a reduction in violence, coercion and/or abuse of power. If violence, coercion and the abuse of power are not recognized as the core of the problem in many disintegrative intimate and sexual relationships; then the tragic consequences tend to include the continuation of violence, coercion and/or the abuse of power in trying to minimize, repress or control intimate and/or sexual relationships. Our problems and dilemmas which we have not honestly described, talked about, and/or confronted will continue to haunt us and fester in tragic ways because our understandings of them are based upon dishonest concepts, language, communications, perceptions, and experiences. Intimacy and sexuality which are free of dishonesty, deception, violence, coercion and abuse of power tend to be integrative in both personal and communal ways; but this truth is obscured and confused by our involvements in collusions, addictions and codependent relationships. Focusing clearly upon violence, coercion and abuse of power is more embarrassing than is focusing upon our dysfunctional involvements with each other in intimate and sexual ways---so long as we take care to avoid clarity about the roles of violence, coercion and abuse of power in generating the dysfunctionality of our participations in reflexive relationships which we cannot control objectively. So long as we do not clearly and honestly understand the roots of our reflexive dysfunctionality, so long we will be unable to deal wisely with the tragic aspects of our dysfunctionality---dilemmas which we cannot "solve" by pretending that they are "technical problems" for which we need to find/invent a fix, or for which we need to find a technocratic leader willing to supply a false fix---for a price which involves both personal and communal disintegration. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================