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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %TRUE HONEST LOVE KNOW SELF OTHER FEEL DESIRE FEAR 910120 When people are truly living in love they want to be with each other as they really are; each being true to self and true to other. Lovers want to know their own and the other's feelings, thoughts, desires, fears, hopes, aspirations, etc. to the extent that the other wants to be known. Non-coercive interest which is unconditionally accepting of the reality of each other's being who they are--- elicits a willingness to be truly known and to truly know the other. False lovers fear to be truly known or to truly know others. False lovers are seeking to appear to be other than they really are in the core of their being, and want to perceive others as other than they really are in the core of their being. False lovers are accepting false signals from self and others, and taking false signals to be reliable signals about how to best conform to others' expectations as the best way to earn acceptance and love. False lovers give each other false signals regarding who they are and what they: think, feel, desire, perceive, experience, hope, fear, need, etc. False lovers are not being themselves, and are not willing to accept each other when they are honestly being themselves. They are thus confused about who they are and who each other is. No matter how hard they try to impress each other, they depress themselves and each other; and so they tend towards depression through frustration and confusion. False lovers act as if their dilemma was a problem with techniques and resources, and so they seek fixes for their depressions and frustrations. They seek new techniques and improvements in old techniques; and more techniques, and more of each technique. Dishonesty is used as a technique. Self deception is used as a technique. Collusive games of mutual self deception become cooperative techniques. False lovers can become addicted to any thing which can be used as a fix, including various false perceptions and representations of self and other's: being, soul, body, mind, spirit, sexuality, desires, fears, hopes, perceptions, thoughts, experiences, etc. False lovers need to give up their futile efforts to use things, procedures, rituals, people, etc. as fixes with which to fix or fill their emptiness. They need to give up the painful pleasures and frustrations that such fixes have brought them, and move on to being truly themselves with themselves and with others. False lovers need to learn to be honest with themselves and others about who they are and what they: feel, fear, regret, hope, want, need, think, experience, etc. Only when they honestly seek to know themselves and others can they truly come to know the true love that they un- knowingly seek in their desperation. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================