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This is Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %TRANSCEND SUBSTITUTE REJECT ADDICT ACCEPT LOVE 901129 Much of human disintegrative behavior may be seen as efforts to compensate for, substitute for, or control the meaning/effect of some personal rejection, abuse, or neglect. To minimize disintegrative human behaviors we need to deal with occasions of personal rejection, abuse and neglect---in integrative ways which involve transcendence, rather than compensation or substitution. Personal rejections and passive or active abuse have profound consequences to the life of the person who is the victim. We may have been rejected and/or abused by parents, friends, relatives, teachers, mentors. The rejection and/or abuse may have been verbal, physical, affective, sexual, moralistic, intellectual, etc. Each combination of rejections leads to its own particular kinds of consequences depending upon how the victim perceives the rejection and responds to them. Personal healing in the aftermath of personal rejections and/or abuse depends upon the manner, extent and character of truly loving personal acceptance by healthy people. Purely logical procedures, lectures, instruction, etc. are relatively incapable of promoting personal healing. Attempts by the abused person to compensate through efforts to achieve personal acceptance, or some form of control, do not promote personal healing; and usually pass on to others the hurt which has been experienced. Attempting to control personal rejections and abuse leads to additional personal rejections and abuse. Attempting to control the character, significance and meaning of other people's behaviors leads to personal rejections and abuse. Such attempts are common responses to personal rejections and abuse, but they do not lead to the transcendence of personal rejections and abuse. Personal healing comes in the presence of Love's true acceptance and affirmation of people who have previously been rejected and abused. For healing to occur acceptance and affirmation must be open, honest, affectionate, and characterized by personal integrity. Healing is rarely promoted by manipulative, intrusive, coercive, and/or unilateral procedures. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================